Under the Arch

It looked even better yesterday. I haven't had a really good haircut in a really long time and I'm super impressed with my friend A's skills. She is wasting all her talents in retail. Seriously. She knew just what I wanted and I didn't even have to tell her. She couldn't understand how I wasn't nervous, but then I told her about the time I volunteered for a hair show and when they asked what I would let them do, I told them to go for it, but I'd prefer not to have a mohawk, thanks. She thinks I'm crazy. I told her she has no idea. ;)

I bought 2 Altoids tins today. I don't like Altoids. I just wanted the tins. More on that later because my cat got a whiff of the Altoid residue in the tins and went apeshit on me. I have bite marks on my hand. I finally had to grab a hold of the back of her head and flick her in the nose. She let go and acted all wounded while I shouted, "Yeah. Hurts don't it? Fucker." Cats are weird. And now my hand smells like cat spit. And Altoids.

Mrs. Flinger has a weekly post on Mondays called Brutally Honest Monday where she asks for the honest opinions of her readers. Last week she was talking about BlogHer and she confessed that she had been offering to lick various bloggers that she loves, and she asked that we identify ourselves on our blogs in a way that makes the licking at BlogHer go much easier. (After all, we wouldn't want to just go up to a STRANGER and LICK them, would we?! Hee. Ok, enough wine and I'll be joining her, no lie.) So, I thought this would be a perfect Naked Monday for all the new readers, especially those who haven't commented yet and those who I will soon be meeting in person. You do it, too! So, without further adieu, here are some parts of me and a couple of things I will be carrying that will make me more recognizable at BlogHer!

My face...very important for the recognizing
This is without makeup and with dirty hair, so if you are staying in the hostel, this may help ;)

mah bewbs...hopefully this will be all you see of them, but Redneck Mommy is going and I can't promise anything ;)

Shoes are very important
These are for the parties

These are for being a tourist

These are comfy for the conference and the planes

This is my new laptop bag that I'll be schlepping around with me

These are my blog cards that I will be handing out, with my email and url

If you are going, too, help us visual girls out so we can find you at the conference, I want to meet everyone. And when you meet me I'll say, "Hi! I'm Bri from St. Louis, and I get Naked on my blog every Monday!"

In my family, we call M&M's M's 'n M's. I can't recall how it got started but it is what it is and every time I see the word meme, I hear it in my head as M's 'n M's. Short little factoid about how my brain works.

MP tagged me with a meme ages ago and since I suck at these things, I'm just doing it now.

The Rules:

Each player answers the questions about themselves.At the end of the post, the player tags other people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago?

1998: What the hell WAS I doing ten years ago?! Um, I was living in Glen Carbon, IL and living in sin with my boyfriend at the time. I don't remember where I was working, but I was taking classes at Southern Illinois University-Edwardsville. Okay, I was registered for classes and I went to some of them. I was so burnt out on school then.

Five Snacks I Enjoy:

1. Wheat Thins and that cheese in a can stuff (shuddup it's good!)

2. nuts (peanuts, cashews, pecans.... no almonds, please)(I giggled when I typed that. Gawd, I'm 12!)

3. white cheddar popcorn

4. Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies

5. Pretzels

Five things I Would Do If I Were a Billionaire:

1. Pay off my student loans

2. get my parents and sister completely out of debt

3. Take a trip around the world with my mom and aunt and a couple of friends

4. buy a Jeep with all the bells and whistles

5. find the perfect ocean side cottage to call my own, then hire someone else to do all the upkeep

Five Places I Have Lived:

1. Southern Illinois

2. Edwardsville, IL SIUE campus

3. Glen Carbon, IL with an ex-boyfriend

4. Alton, IL first time I had my own room, EVER!

5. St. Louis, MO

Now I tag:

Anyone who reads this today! Or tomorrow! Use it on Myspace! I'm feeling lazy and don't want to link and comment!! Wheee! Still doing laundry! May never end!!

Naked Monday is still coming! It will be BlogHer themed! Even though I'm sure you're sick of hearing about it! (And, seriously, how many exclamation points can I possibly use before it gets ridiculous?)

BlogHer update!!
I have the clothes situation under control, now if I would just do laundry. (le sigh) I have a rolling Jeep duffle for checked luggage, and I found the cutest laptop bag at Walmart of all places (I know, right?), and I think if I put the camera bag and my purse "necessities" in a tote bag, that will count as my purse, the laptop bag will be carry-on. I bought a few 3oz bottles for shampoo and shower gel and I have a guidebook on San Francisco. Conference is booked, bed at the hostel is reserved, the only thing I don't have booked at this point is my airfare, still working out some logistics. My blogging friend, Raquita, offered to let me borrow her old DSLR for BlogHer. How cool is that?! I played around with it yesterday, taking pictures of graffiti. Still working out what it can do, it's been a long time since I had my grubby little hands on an SLR, the last one was a film camera. Manual focus rocks my world. So. not. kidding. Before I take my happy ass to bed, here's a couple of the shots I took today, the rest are on flickr.

I was reading an article yesterday on BlogHer entitled "Are You Marriage Material? Er, Do You Want to Be?" and it got me to thinking. I never really talk about relationships here, or if I do, it's in general terms. I had a silly post planned about my apartment and how much of a slob I am but all this thinking about my life had to be shared because this isn't silly Monday, it's Naked Monday, and it doesn't get any more Naked than sharing your views on love, marriage and relationships. There won't be any photos with this post, but there's lots of Naked. Whew! Okay, here we go.

When I was 21, like many 21 year old girls, I thought I would graduate from college, have some fun, get married and start a family. Bing. Bang. Boom. Married by 25, first child by 30, happily ever after. Tada! Done. It never occurred to me to wonder if this was what I really wanted, or just what I thought I was supposed to want.

I have never really felt connected to my family. I love them and they love me, but I never felt like they "got" me. I get many confused or bemused looks from just about everyone, which is fine, but it left me craving a place to be, a family of my own. I still want that, just not in the same way anymore. At the time, though, I thought that meant husband, kids, dogs and a house.

Then, when I was 27, the 9 year relationship that I thought was going to transition into marriage, ended in anger, confusion, and pain on both sides. I sort of floated about for a while, played at meaningless relationships, but I still thought I was going to get that family. In fact, I told my sister that when I had my career going, if I still hadn't met a guy who was interested in giving it to me, I would just go to a sperm bank and do it myself. (Yes. I am an idiot occasionally. Okay, more than occasionally.) (Not that there is anything wrong with this decision, but it was definitely not a good decision for ME.) Then, about a year ago, I went through another big break up, not one that I thought was going to transition into marriage, but one that was very important to me. Some other things happened that are still too painful to talk about and I ended up in therapy for a short time. I'm telling you all of this as the back story for the point of this post, which is this, I am no longer interested in marriage or children. I love children and I think marriage works very well for many people, but I do not see myself joining them.

Now, let me back up a bit and say, I make it a point to never say never. Got it? I am NOT saying that I will never get married or have children. I AM saying that it is not something I want right now and it seems less and less likely as time goes by. This is why.

My life is relatively uncomplicated. It sometimes resembles a Lifetime movie or an episode of Jerry Springer (believe me, you don't want to know) but I, myself, prefer a simple life. My personality comes into play here, too. I'm never going to be a wife in the traditional sense of the word, I don't think it's in me. I don't see anything wrong with that, either. I am supremely absent minded. I recognize that movie stereotype in myself. I get caught up in projects and deep thoughts and unimportant things like dishes and vacuuming fall by the way side. I don't do domestic. Color, design, beautiful things I can do, remembering to pay bills on time or making sure there is food in the house to eat, hell, remembering to EAT at all is too much for me. (My diet secret right there. FORGET TO EAT.) It's a constant struggle for me to keep on top of every day things like schedules and being somewhere on time. I accidentally locked my cat out on my balcony for hours. Twice! Luckily, she's used to my inattention, so other than verbally letting me have it for a good half an hour, she was fine. (Yes, she yelled at me. I have no idea what she was saying, but I think I can imagine the gist of it.) Not that I think I would ever do that with a child and I've spent lots of time caring for children and infants, but it does make me hesitate to get a dog. ;)

I'm not getting any pressure from my family to settle down and produce grandchildren. In fact, I told my Mom last Fall not to expect any grandchildren from me, that I didn't think it was going to happen any time soon, probably not at all and she was fine with it. She has one grandchild, my nephew, who is (ahem) a hand full. She told me that I should do whatever I think is best. And then I cried. (Have I mentioned lately how awesome my Mom is?)

None of these decisions have come about overnight, I've thought long and hard about it and talked, talked, talked about it with people who are close to me and every time I say it out loud, it gets a little easier to say and feels a little more right. So, what does all this nonsense mean, exactly? What do I want out of my life? I like love and being in love and hope to find that again someday. I like companionship and would like to have a roommate in the girl/boy sense of the word again someday. That's pretty much it at this point. That's all I have room for, all I'm looking for. Will that ever change? Maybe. Talk to me a few years from now, or after finding someone special and I may change my mind. Never say never, right? ;)

Today, though, this is where I am. Really Naked.

More stuff in my apartment, yay! This is the second installment of My favorite Things, you can find last week's post on the left side of your screen. These are just some of my favorite things that have been sitting around my apartment, many of them I have had for years and my apartment wouldn't be a home without them.

The blue chair which has been my background for many pictures lately. Years and years ago, I helped a friend move....she had a shopping problem...a vintage furniture shopping problem. Her attic was a treasure trove of fabulous furnishings. This was her thank you for my help. My boyfriend at the time refused to let me bring it home, insisting that we had no room for more furniture, even free furniture. Spoilsport. We broke up less than a year later. We didn't break up over this chair, but I think it illustrates the differences between us. I asked my mom to take it back to her house, where my brother enjoyed it until I moved into my own apartment, with my own furniture, chosen by me. We've been together ever since. Love me, love my chair.

I've had this candle longer than the chair. I love candles, even candles that I would never light. This little guy is the only vaguely religious symbol you will find in my home. I haven't been able to find another that I like so much, but I'm always on the look out for a fat, happy Buddha. They make me smile. I bought it in a store at a local mall that no longer exists, but I did find one similar here.

These are a small part of my collection of glass. My St. Louis apartment has these window sills built into the wall that make a perfect display shelf for all things that need to be protected from the cat. I've been picking up pieces here and there for years, different shapes and sizes and colors...just ones that draw my attention. (cheap helps, too) I picked up the red and blue ones at an auction, the green one was a gift.

This is just one of the many things I love about my apartment. Growing up in a 100 year old farm house, I've been surrounded by old things my entire life. All those little old world details mean home to me, so imagine my delight when I saw these doorknobs in my apartment. I'll probably always be drawn to old things, whether it's furniture, glass, or just the tiny details like a doorknob. They are just some of my favorite things that make my place, my home.

• pretty sure my neighbor stole food out of my grocery bags right off my front porch
• went to a meeting of the St. Louis Bloggers Guild this morning
• I joined, though I haven't put the badge up, yet
• I was hungover
• I don't think anyone noticed
• I had been out the night before celebrating a coworker's new job
• Her brother tried to impress me by buying me shots
• Vodka is bad for me
• So is Red Bull
• Did I say that vodka is bad for me?
• Good
• It bears repeating a few more times
• I had fun and hadn't expected to
• I paid for it today
• Naps are good
• Vodka is bad
• I now have hot dogs buns but no hot dogs
• I find that really annoying
• Typical....day starts out good and ends weird

more cat pictures

As promised, the answers to your questions...

Courtney asked:Q & A for you: How did the "naked" posts begin?

Well, I was trying to think of something that would evolve into weekly posts, something that would have a natural progression from week to week, something that would interest readers, and I'd like to say that I thought it out like the plot of a book and could clearly see where it would go but, frankly, I had no idea what I was in for. I started with body parts and intended to reveal little things about myself that blog readers don't generally learn. I never actually intended to be "naked", but I'm a tease and I knew the word would be remembered. Every monday, I try to think about a body part or neuroses that I haven't revealed and any way I can tell a story that is even remotely interesting. Recently, I started asking questions, hoping that people stopping by would participate in some way. It's been fun, and I'll keeping going as long as I can come up with things to say. I think it would be great if others would join in on their own blogs, I shouldn't be the only one getting naked. ;)


Rosey asked: Are you going to school for something? I think you mentioned something in your blog about being a student. What are you studenting to be or do?

I am an education student and have been for a really long time. I started and stopped a couple of times, but I'm actually close to graduating now from the University of Missouri-St. Louis. I'll be certified in Missouri 1st through 6th grades. I would like to teach the younger ones, 1st or 2nd grade.

Mocha asked: What's the weirdest thing you've ever experienced when sharing (or oversharing)?

I've never really had a weird experience here, so far everyone in the blogosphere has been great. I've been fortunate enough to avoid the trolls. Oversharing in my real life is pretty common, I often open my mouth and lose my brain until those around my are staring in shock. This is something I'm used to, this is why I like blogging, the ability to edit. I have never regretted sharing anything here. A perfect example of oversharing in real life though is this post. I managed to create the most uncomfortable silence ever known to mankind. Luckily, he had a sense of humor and I'm sure he won't remember this story the next time I'm there. Surely not. Right? ;)

I was talking to a friend last night about twitter, trying to explain what makes it so great and I said, "Here, I'll show you something I posted today." and I showed him the twitter I made about dying my hair and he looked at me, somewhat horrified and said, "And 72 people read about you dying your hair, on purpose?" And I laughed, because when you put it like that, it's sort of ridiculous, but I still like it and every time I twitter something silly I'll think of the expression on his face and remember that 72 people are reading my nonsense. The internets are awesome. ;)

As far as Naked Mondays go...this week I'm feeling sort of naked already, kind of raw and exposed which, even with all the things about myself I share with all of you, it's just too much. I'm going to take a little break, just for a day or two, until I feel like talking again. I'm fine and I'll be fine, I just can't do this today.

For fun, and to keep you occupied, if there's anything you've ever wondered about me that I haven't already shared, feel free to ask a question in the comments and when I get back, I'll answer them in a post. Love you guys, mwah!

I'm going to BlogHer. I bought my conference pass tonight and I'm trying not to throw up. (Yeah, I know, like I told my friend, J by text message, there's no logic here.) I'm sure that every step I take to get there will bring on a new sense of panic, don't mind me. I'm going to start planning the sessions that I want to attend. I'd like to do something with photography and I want to go to the session that SueBob is heading for bloggers without kids. I often feel like I don't have a handy slot to put myself in, which can leave me at a loss when explaining what I do here. If anyone has any other suggestions, I'd like to hear them! In the meantime, I will definitely be twittering as much as possible. This is a warning as well as a promise, I'm sure there will be some who will be ready to kill me, but MP, at least, will be happy. ;)

Something else I know for sure...I'm going here.



I can't wait to meet these ladies, that's the only part I'm not nervous about, meeting everyone. Flying on a plane by myself for the first time, traveling across the country by myself, paying all this money for something I want, not something I need, is the part that's driving me crazy.

Soooo, the road trip thing fell through, but then they announced that they had hostel rooms available less than a block away from the hotel where the conference was taking place. Whooo! I've never stayed in a hostel before, neato! So, all that was left was paying for the airfare. I was telling my friend, J, about the situation and the camera I've been trying to win on ebay, when he started to look at me funny.

"What?"

"Why don't you just use the money for the camera on airfare?"

"Um, I don't know?"

"That didn't occur to you until I said something did it?"

Oh. my. god. It didn't. Hello tunnel vision. I was determined to go to BlogHer with a better camera. So determined that I almost couldn't go. Am. IDIOT. So thanks, J, for pointing out the obvious!

So, in the next few days, I will be setting up my travel arrangements and keeping my fingers crossed that nothing crazy happens in the meantime.

(If you knew how absolutely bat shit crazy it makes me to actually pay for a vacation this far in advance you would all be giving me a giant hug. Just saying here that I'm definitely going makes me want to throw up. Yes, I really am that neurotic.)

I have new items up at my cafepress store, all for Naked Mondays. I can only post one design per product, so if you want a bumper sticker or t-shirt with one of the other designs or hate blue font for some reason, please let me know, I'm a people pleaser, ya know. ;) I'll be buying a bumper sticker myself, for the look on my mother's face alone! Bwahahahaha!