Under the Arch

Arriving at work this morning, one of my coworkers, J, was practically doing a pee dance she was so excited. A Cardinals baseball player was going to be at the Cardinals store across the way from us, signing autographs and she was determined to get one. When she came back with two autographs and a picture of him on her cell phone I decided I should get one, too. After all, Father's Day is coming up, right? ;) Brian Barton, the Cardinals left fielder, signed a baseball for my Dad and posed for a picture with me. He was sweet and not all jock-like, if you know what I'm saying. We joked about all my co-workers taking turns getting in line to meet him. It was nice to meet him and I'm pretty sure I didn't make an ass of myself. ;)

A baseball game on wednesday and meeting a player on friday...not a bad week, huh?

The first step in my BlogHer fund is on the left side of the page...a cafepress shop. I put up my first design, tell me what you think. As I finish the designs I'm working on, I'll add them to the shop, I think I need a T-shirt for Naked Mondays, don't you? ;) If you are interested in a shirt with one of my flickr pics that isn't already up, or you're just dying for a black T, let me know. ;) Love you guys! Mwah!

It's the unofficial start of summer and time, once again, to get Naked. Summer is my favorite season. Clothes are so much easier, just throw on a sundress and some flip flops and go. Easy peasy. We start baring bits as the weather gets warmer. A little leg, sun-kissed arms, and my favorite part, shoulders. I can honestly say I love my shoulders. I like to smell the skin on my shoulders when they're coated in sunscreen. I like the freckles that pop up as the summer passes. They're pretty and I'll spend most of the summer showing them off. I don't have any summer color, yet, and if you look closely, you can see the blue veins tracing under my skin, but here they are.

Shoulders
and my collarbone, that sticks up higher on one side than the other

close-up with the sundress I wore today

So, there I am, Naked, at least a small part of me. What is your favorite body part? What do you love showing off in summer?

Update! I found this. GM is offering hybrid vehicles for BlogHer attendees. But, the closest city to me is Chicago. Anyone from the Chicago area interested in a carpool? All you would need to do is slow down long enough for me to jump on!

I chickened out last year when it was practically in my backyard. Now, not only would I get to see San Francisco, a city I've never been to, but meet bloggers that I've been stalking...er, following this past year. Paying for the conference itself isn't a biggie, they have a student price which is affordable. I'm stuck on the airfare and hotel costs, though. Around $400 for a plane ticket, more than that for hotel, even if I share. Do I say, oh well, I'm poor and just mope around that weekend feeling sorry for myself? Or, do any of you lovely people have any ideas? Suggestions that don't involve hooking? Begging I'm ok with, hooking would be a bad idea. Any St. Louis publications that you think would sponsor me, even though I'm not a Bossy, or Pioneer Woman? I would be willing to work, write something, tattoo their logo on my butt, even. Please, please, please let me know if you have any ideas. Thanks!!

Update: I have entered any contest that I could find that would pay for the trip, including the GE Caulk singles thingy. (I realized that, duh, a $1000 would pay for quite a lot.) If you know of anything else like this, that info would also be appreciated.

I'm sure you've all been to a wedding with a flower girl or ring bearer who never makes it up the aisle, that panics at all those people looking at them and cries for mommy. That is not my nephew.

Hayden greeted us in the lobby of the church with a giant grin on his face. "Look! I have a PILLOW!" He carried that pillow down the aisle, keeping pace with the younger flower girl and looking as pleased as punch about the whole thing. I wasn't on the aisle, so no pics of the ceremony and I really wish I could have seen him hitting Mark, the groom, with the pillow...on the ass no less. Then, he spotted his mom, my sister, and waved, stage whispering, "Hi mom!" Then he waved to my mom and dad and anyone else who looked his way, which at this point was nearly everyone. He's a ham, that kid. At this point, I had to shush my dad who was laughing so hard he was nearly choking on it. My sister was pretty embarrassed, but I think anytime you have a child in a wedding and they don't have a raging meltdown, it's a good day.

The ceremony itself was lovely. Simple, with a nice mix of the traditional and the personality of the bride and groom. Mark sang a Sister Hazel song (the name of it escapes me at the moment) and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I don't know the bride at all, but I've watched Mark pal around with my little brother over the last few years and it's always a shock to realize the kids you know turn into adults right before your eyes. I wish the two of them all the luck and happiness in the world.

Enough of the mush, here's the pictures...they were all taken after the ceremony, as we waited for the wedding photos....

Hayden, as they posed for pictures

Ever tried to focus on a moving target in a dimly lit church? I felt for the wedding photographer, I really did. (She did have much better equipment.)

As they waited for the photographer to set up, the wedding party started bobbing up and down while singing, "Oompa, Loompa!" Buncha goobers.

The only way I could get anything at all with my camera was to set it to continuous shooting and just hope one was in focus. Occasionally, I would also get something neat, like this one.

Oh, the DRAMA!

The ONE time he agreed to look at the camera

His gift for being in the wedding was a pair of sunglasses. He actually agreed to do it for the promise of a pair.

the famous pillow

Crazy child

Mom has to make an adjustment

Ugh, ok, I tried to write the wedding post and I'm just too tired and I have to be back up in 7 hours...so one more day, I promise.

As I mentioned, I spent this past weekend at my parents' house in Southern Illinois. What I didn't tell you is that I decided to out myself to my parents. Out my blog, I mean. Until a few days ago, my family had no idea that I wrote on the internet or that I had met a bunch of you a month ago. My dad was blown away that Saturn would sponsor someone to travel around the country and my mom was blown away that someone is willing to advertise on a site written by her daughter. When I told her that I don't really have enough readers to actually make any money out of it, she offered to go to my site as often as possible to help. My parents are a hoot.

The portrait session went well and my mom barely complained at all. ;) Before we got started, I looked over to see my nephew hanging from a bar on the wall. "Look, mom! I'm a monkey!" Ah, four year olds! When the session was over, I left my mom and sister to pick the poses they wanted and I took Hayden, the monkey boy, into the mall to find a dress for myself. (My mom told me as we were ironing that morning that I was going to the wedding that Hayden and my brother Jared were in, apparently no one thought to tell me this BEFORE I arrived, away from my closet with all its clothes, including TWO brand new dresses.) Hayden is an excellent shopper and gets the biggest kick out of everything, including picking out dresses for his Aunt Bri. The dress he found was one I ended up buying (I bought 2, they were on clearance.) And of the 2 I bought, I let him pick the one for the wedding. Yes, he went in the dressing room with me, no way was I letting him out of my sight for a second. (Not because I'm afraid someone will snatch him, but because he's sneaky.) He was mortified to see me in my underwear and kept pulling my shirt over his head...let's just say that we were definitely entertaining for the other shoppers. For his help, I let him ride one of those quarter fed cars that vrooms and rocks back and forth. Then the little shit tried to con me into the train too. sigh. I'm CONVINCED that I was never this difficult as a child. Anyway, the photo session with him was nixed because we just ran out of time with all the stuff going on and my sister figured it would be too much picture time for him and he'd just lose his shit, and trying to get him to be still for half a second sunday evening, I agreed with her. Ok, I'm done talking, I'll tell you about the wedding and Hayden shouting, "Look! I have a pillow!" tomorrow.

Irises

My parents' house

Side view with the bare butt of the gargoyle


The tree that I planted when I was little and where the barbies were held hostage by the evil queen

North

East

West


South

And, this is where the title came from. This, my friends, is what the middle of no where looks like. It's quiet and spacious and a nice place to grow up. More tomorrow, when we see my dad's idea of art...or laziness, you decide!

Yes, it's Naked Monday again. (Actually Tuesday, my long weekend put me behind, don't worry, I have lots of pictures.) This Naked Monday is brought to you today by suggestion and inspired by a conversation I had with some female family members about the current fashions in pants. Let's just put it this way, I was the only one not wearing mom jeans. Hee. So, here we go, time to get naked.

Pants do not fit me. At all. They never have and never will. That, my internet friends, is a fact. My legs are too long. My butt is too big. My waist is too short. All these things add up to difficulties making pants fit. (This is not to say that I consider these things to be flaws, well except the short waisted thing, that one annoys me.) Add to this the weight yo-yo and I own pants in 6 different sizes. 3 of which I can wear, though most of them now require a belt. So, belts have become my new best friends and one more piece of clothing that I collect.

The evidence:

Being short-waisted means that there is extra material where should not be extra material. This is highly annoying..(and not cute. ick.)

These are the best fitting jeans I have, I bought two pair

Without belt
These are new bermuda shorts. Notice how they gape in the back


All my pants do this, it's a common problem for women. You would think that they would, I don't know, SOLVE it. How hard could it be?

With belt
This is my solution, at least for now

And this would be my belt collection

So, there you go. It's me...Naked, at least a small part of me. ;)

Now that I've explained my issues with pants (though I'm pretty sure that Raquita and Heather have already heard part of this story), it's your turn. Guys or girls, what article of clothing will just NOT fit? Share and discuss.

Hee. Shud up.

My friend Dan is back in Kandahar from his first mission. He sent me a message on Myspace telling he was back, so I could stop hyperventilating. Sad, but true. I was so happy to be able to talk to him again, even if it was only by Yahoo messenger that I freaked him out a little bit. He said I was being all lovey dovey. (basically I wasn't calling him an ass every other minute) He couldn't figure out what was going on with me, so he asked if I'd gotten laid. No. I have not. Thanks for rubbing it in. ASS. There we go, back to normal.

My friend A from work and I are going to get all dressed up and go see Sex and the City. She is super excited and frankly, so am I. (Wheee! Socializing! With other people!)

Small rant: I get it that many women's self esteem is connected to their body and self image, I get that, but please for the love of god, Please! DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN WEAR! I'm not talking about style, here. In my opinion, style is almost completely about attitude. With the right attitude, you can sell just about anything. BUT. The rest of your body may be a size small, but your boobs are double D's. Double D's will NOT fit in a small anything. They are not small. Accept it! They're not going anywhere. I don't mind getting you another size, but COME ON. Self delusion much? Ok, rant over.

Best comment overheard at work today:
"I just got new boobs and they won't fit in this. How awesome is that?!" (if you could have seen her, SO funny, she was adorable and REALLY excited about those boobs) (this was not the woman I was talking about in my rant)

Best comment overheard at work yesterday:
"I know, but I didn't get to sleep 'til like 5." "Why?" "Well I was lying there and just about to nod off, when you rolled over on me. Like, completely on top of me, and I don't know if you've noticed, but you're not exactly small, are you?" (my eyes were watering, it was all I could do to hold the laughter in until they left the store)

I will be away this weekend, visiting the family and I don't know what sort of internet access I'll have so if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, that' s what happened. I'll try to remember to twitter from my cell phone, but being inherently lazy and scatterbrained, who knows if that will happen. On the agenda for the weekend is a LOT of photography. The whole family (mom, dad, brother, sister and nephew) is having a portrait done as a complete family. The last time we had a family portrait done was when my brother was little bitty. He's 21. Yeah, it's been a while. My mom HATES having her picture taken, I have a total of three photos of my parents together in my apartment. One is their wedding picture....yeah. So, my sister, queen of the guilt trips conned my mom into this, for Mother's day. She used our grandma, my mom's mom against her. My sister is a genius. THEN, after all that "fun", I agreed to do a portrait session of my nephew in his tuxedo. My adorable little nephew was asked to be the ring bearer in my brother's friend Mark's wedding. After the photo session and before the wedding, we are going to a local museum which has beautiful grounds for an outdoor photo session with my monkey boy. Sunday is my grandma's birthday and my cousin's baby shower. It's a jam packed weekend, but I'll be back for Naked Monday and as soon as I get the nephew shots edited, I'll post the best ones here. (I'm going have to figure out the watermark thing.)

One last thing. My friend MP is moving and I'm thinking about following her. It's a decision I've been heading to for a while now, but I still need to work out some details, first. I'll keep you posted!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

This Naked Monday, I thought I would go back to where the Naked posts started. I need a little break from baring my soul and thought I would bare a bit of my body. Sorry, no naughty bits. I'm talking about tattoos today. Mine and others'. (especially if I have a photo or know where to find it) Here we go, let's get naked! First up is mine....

This is him, from the vantage point that I see him every day. And every day, he makes me smile. (yes, I think of my tattoo as a him. I don't know.)

This is my friend Dan's tattoo to honor his hometown of Chicago. He's a Bears fan. I don't know. Weirdo.

This is Kelly's Daughter, Mallory's tattoo. It says "life is but a dream". There is an adorable story involved, but my favorite part is that the tattoo is in Kelly's handwriting and honors a memory that the two of them share.

I still didn't have any photos or art for my kitchen and I thought...why don't I go to Soulard and take pictures of produce, see what I can come up with? So, I did. Wanna see? Why, of course you do! :) These are my favorites, all the photos I took today are also on Flickr.

"What's she doing here?" "I carried a watermelon."

Caliente

One pineapple, two pineapple, three

Apple a day

Kissing Cousins

I a-pear to be green with envy

You say tomato, I say tomahto, but I still won't eat them

Cabbage Patch, no kid

Hi-Ho Cherry-o

I was talking with someone at work today and the conversation went something like this....

Her, talking to someone else: Was it Darrell?

Me: And his brother, Darrell?

Her: Ha! I know! That will never stop being funny to me.

Me: I was talking to someone one day and they said something about their cousin Darrell and I said "And your other cousin, Darrell?", but they just stared at me blankly!

Her: How can you not get the joke?

Me: Exactly! Did you not SEE television as a child?! Come on, people, it's comic GENIUS!

Step one: Notice your manager calling your name from the register.

Step Two: Use your woman powers to read her facial movements pointing you in the direction of potential shoplifters.

Step Three: Ask potential shoplifters if they are finding everything okay and if they need any help.

Step Four: Smile pleasantly at their, "No, thank yous" and busy yourself straightening messy clothes racks nearby.

Step Five: When they stare at you, seeming more interested in your presence than the clothes in front of them, continue to smile blankly and attempt to look busy and overwhelmed. (This should not be difficult.)

Step Six: As they wander aimlessly about the front section of the store, growing more and more uncomfortable, pull mislaid items from clothes racks and mutter to yourself about "filthy customers" and "not your fucking mother". Stay within 5-10 feet of suspected shoplifters at all times, mostly for your own amusement.

Step Seven: Listen as one of the women answers her phone and tells person on the other end about the "fucking bitch" who is following her around the store and all she wants is a long sleeved t-shirt, but she can't find one and the "fucking bitch" won't leave her alone.

Step Eight: Start to feel embarrassed, but realize that backing off won't do any good at this point and refuse to give her the satisfaction.

Step Nine: Watch as woman goes to register and throws tantrum that would shame a three year old, alerting entire store to drama.

Step Ten: Smile pleasantly as woman approaches you and demands your name. Give it to her and try not to laugh in her face.

Step Eleven: Watch as she stomps dramatically from the store in self-righteous rage, raise arms in the air and say, "That's right, I rawk!!"

Before anyone reads this and gets huffy, she and her friend were caught last week trying to forcibly remove a security tag from a shirt. After her dramatic exit, we were informed that she has actually been banned from the mall altogether. Had we known, we could have charged her with trespassing. She was not legally supposed to even be there. But, yeah, I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile, if she were to be stupid enough to call corporate and complain about me or "file a comment" as she put it, I would probably get a bonus for a job well done.

I can't wait to see the Google searches that find this post. Hee.

I love that TV is back to normal and how great is it that Grey's and LOST are on the same night? Grey's is back to the amazing show it was at the beginning and I have a confession to make.

The kiss between the two soldiers was desperate and passionate and full of pain and fear. It felt very real, which is not the norm between actors, at least I don't think so. Also, it was HOT. Full on HAWT. ;) I bring this up, because it started me thinking about a "quirk" of my personality that can give me trouble in public, one that I often hide from others. (How many of these little quirks do I have, you ask? I'm only getting started.)


If you knew me in "real" life, you would probably know that I have a small problem watching movies with comedy based on the embarrassment of the characters. If you and I are close you would know that it goes much deeper than that. I have a hard time watching other people express emotion, whether it's in real life or on the magic box we call television. I can't watch others cry without crying. I get terribly angry at fictional injustice. But, I have the biggest problem with embarrassment. (my friend Sarah is reading this right now and nodding her head emphatically) This little quirk has grown to a full blown phobia in the last few years. What used to make me vaguely uncomfortable, now makes me almost physically ill. Yeah. am. FREAK.

I first realized that I had a problem when I would change the channel away from or fast forward through Friends when one of the characters was about to do something stupid (Joey) or feel really embarrassed because of something they had done (usually Ross). This was fine when I was alone but when I was watching with my boyfriend, it was all I could do not to snatch the remote right out of his hands. PLEASE! for the LOVE OF GAWD! Don't make me SEE this!!!! Then, one day he caught me fast forwarding and I had to confess.

I CAN'T WATCH THE EMBARRASSMENT!!! And I do mean CAN'T. Can not. Can't (getting the picture?) My heart starts to race, my face gets hot, I scrunch down in my seat and cover my face, cringing until it's over. I'd much rather fast forward or change the channel. Unfortunately, that is not really an option every time. So what do I do? I avoid. I won't see a movie in the theater that I think is full of humor brought on by embarrassment. (Dumb and Dumber, She's the Man, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) If enough people tell me how good a movie is, I'll rent it and watch BY MYSELF to save others from the crazy. I avoid sitcoms for the most part. (That's right, I've never seen The Office other than bits and pieces that made it obvious that this show is NOT FOR ME. Great for others, NOT FOR ME.)

The problem with my little "problem" is that it is so hard to explain WHY it is a problem at all. I don't KNOW why I can't watch others be embarrassed. I don't KNOW why it has gotten worse over time rather than better. I don't KNOW where it came from. I KNOW it's not logical. I KNOW it's funny to others. I UNDERSTAND why my friends make fun of me about it. It's annoying as HELL. But. It's me. That is all.

It took me forever to figure out what to talk about this week and I finally settled on my hair. Sorting through old pictures to show you was fun and I found some that I had forgotten about. Scanning, cropping, editing.....it takes a ton of time, but it was worth it in the end. We'll go chronologically beginning with this pic of me and my Dad.....

I'm not happy about the 'stache

I put this one in 'cause that expression is priceless! Still blond.



6th Grade Christmas Play
Perm!!! The blond went away after the first big cut.


Senior Pictures
Grew my hair out for 4 years here
Pretty sure sun-in was responsible for the color


Senior Prom
the first and last time I had my hair curled like a barbie doll

Yes I wore this shirt and I still own it
I can't figure out when this was...at least a year after high school


19, I think
I wrote, produced, and directed a play for 6th graders. I have no idea how I thought I could do this, who let me, and how I pulled it off.
This is darker than my natural color, I dyed it black at some point.
the curl is all me



A couple of years after high school
21? 22?
It was taken in my best friend's dorm room at Murray University


I'm sure my boyfriend at the time said some smart ass thing, because I'm threatening him with a fabric cutter. That sucker is sharp.


The shortest my hair has been..I hated this cut at the time, but I kind of like it now.


It was BRIGHT red for a while and then I bleached it. Then, it was orange. This is how I feel about it.


with professional help...the hair kind anyway
holding my nephew, Hayden
a month ago

I'm back to brown again and growing it out again...hair is...well, it grows..it changes....we shape it or it shapes us...it's hard to tell some days. ;) So there I am...Naked..at least a small part of me.