Monday, October 20, 2008

A couple of weeks ago, I was perusing a set of photos on a friend's myspace page and talking on the phone at the same time. The photos were from the night I went bowling with friends, and one of the girls caught me from the side in mid-hurl. (I suck at bowling. I pretty much suck at all sports. They always picked me last and I didn't blame them. Beside the point.)

Me: "Oh my god, is that what I look like?!"

Her: "What?"

Me: "Are my legs really that small? That's what I look like?"

Her: "It's about damn time you noticed!"

I was talking to an Aunt at my recent family reunion and she asked how I got so thin and I told her the truth, that I've had a lot of stress in my life recently and I've been forgetting to eat. "Well, that doesn't sound like something I could do."

"No, I wouldn't recommend it, really."

I put my body type on my profile as about average even though a more accurate description would be slender or too fucking skinny because I still see myself as the self I was 20 pounds ago and even occasionally get startled by a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

When I saw that photo, though, I knew I had to do something.

Me: "I'm going to gain 15 pounds."

Her: "Thank God, you were starting to freak me out."

And this is the part where I want to throw my arms over my head and ask people not to throw anything at my head. I feel bad saying I need to gain weight, like I've broken some sort of sacred woman code, like I should be happy to watch my boobs shrink and my hipbones stick further out. After all, if the fashion magazines that I like to read are to be believed, I've reached some sort of pinnacle of weight to height ratio. That's ridiculous. I learned very young that thin does not equal happy. At this point in my life, I'm just working on maintaining my weight because if I have to buy one more fracking pair of jeans, I'm going to completely lose my shit. ;) This is how my body reacts to stress, which isn't the worst thing, I guess, but it sure is a pain in the ass.

I'm 5' 8" and weigh as of a few minutes ago 125, 5 pounds from my goal. How's that for Naked? ;)



BlogHer asked me to write about Tinker Bell for a promotion they are doing and since I'm a big fan, I happily agreed. You can find my story about looking for fairies in my mother's garden over here.


  1. Nathan said...
    In order to show my support, I have decided to gain 100 pounds whether I need it or not.
    Anonymous said...
    holy shit, you're skinny. i'm only 2 inches taller and weigh 145, yo. sorry you're so stressed out, but don't feel badly about it.
    Anonymous said...
    Hi.. and YES I was giving you shit.

    Is that the picture you took from our BBQ night??

    125?? Are you serious.. that is REALLY light. I don't mean this in a BAD way..but you don't look too skinny. If you dressed different maybe you short shorts and a tube top maybe I could tell but from when I've been with you I have never been "grossed out" by your skinniness.. Does that make sense..and it's supposed to make you feel better...not worse.

    Are you watching your weight? I think if you started eating better maybe you would naturally gain wait..

    See me.. I need to LOSE weight.. at least 50 lbs.
    Step 98475 at the Y starts Monday!

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