Under the Arch

Whether it's your crazy ex-boyfriend, his crazy ex-girlfriend, or the toxic ex-friend who just won't leave you alone, I think it's safe to say that we all have people in our lives we would like to forget, or at least we wish they would forget US.

For instance, I once dated a guy, we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was a social butterfly and I was tired of staying at home all the time. He was exactly what I needed then, but being the life of the party got old after a while and, well, there was this, so I broke it off as kindly as I knew how. He pretended to take it well and then called me twice a week, leaving messages on my machine, wanting me to give him another chance. He continued this for 3 months. Just so you know, this is NOT the way to endear yourself to a girl. He recently sent me an email through match.com asking me how I was doing. Needless to say, I didn't respond.

I'm now having a problem with a more recent ex. We've been broken up for 2 years now, but he had a bad habit of popping back into my life when.....who knows really. He was lonely? His girlfriend was being annoying? It never amounted to anything, for the things that broke us up in the first place didn't exactly fix themselves and he had a charming way of digging himself in an even deeper hole(exhibit A) I finally realized that in order to remove him from my life, I would have to tell him not to contact me again. So I did. In fact, I asked him not to read my blog or myspace page anymore, either. He agreed, vehemently.

I thought it was over. And it was, for me. And then, an IP address started popping up regularly in my stat counter. You see, I get readers from all over the world, but rarely do I get readers from the metro east. So, when one number shows up regularly, I'm bound to get a little curious. The IP popped up more and more often and I got really nosy. Imagine my surprise when I realized where it originated. Denny's, my ex's favorite hangout. Sadly, I could clearly picture it. Sitting in a booth, drinking coffee and looking at my Naked Monday posts when his girlfriend had already gone home for the night. It's what he did for months at a time while we were broken up, though using the wifi at Denny's is new.

I lost my temper at first. The idea that he was still hanging on to this little piece of me after all the mean and awful things he said was a bit more than I could take. I've calmed down a bit and this is my solution. After all, if you can't call out an ex-boyfriend for thinking he's outsmarted you, what else is a blog good for?

Now, on to a funnier story. Well, funny for me anyway. My friend, we'll call her Sarah, since that's her name, has a habit of dating guys with crazy exs. One such time, she stayed over at her new guy's house and the next morning, while they were still sleeping, his ex-fiance burst into the house, mother in tow, screaming and cursing, calling Sarah any number of foul names, all while a lit cigarette dangled dangerously from her lip. If that wasn't enough of a picture for you, the ex-fiance then ripped the comforter off the bed where Sarah and her guy were still lying in shock and embarrassment. I'm pretty sure she is still traumatized to this day, wouldn't you be?

So, I have an assignment for you....tell me your most embarrassing crazy ex story, leave it in the comments, or link to your own blog post. Mine are kind of pathetic and my friend needs to read about something worse than her experience. Help me out?

Guess who got a new camera for Christmas? Guess who hasn't completely figured out how to use it?

As far as New Years goes, I don't really do resolutions. (I think last year I called them self-delusions, though I did manage to follow through on a couple.) I do have the new camera that needs to be broken in and Moosh in Indy mentioned a 365 project she will be participating in, so I thought I'd give that a try.

I do have some ideas for things I'd like to try this year, but I think I'm going to keep those secret a bit longer til I figure out if I can. ;)

I did volunteer to write about my online dating experience and to round that out a bit, I'd love to hear stories from others, blogger or not, especially guys. Email me, k?

Yes, I did start dating someone new since Christmas and we are getting along swimmingly. My head is sort of spinning actually and I'm not sure whether to be thrilled or terrified. ;) (He's not a blog reader, isn't that nice? lol)

Until, I can get the photos I've already taken uploaded, here are a few posts from last year that I especially liked.

My resolution to keep knitting is off to a roaring start

Making fun of my brother

Enjoying the weather

Where I first talk about my issues with food

Taking a walk in the park

One of my more popular Naked Monday posts that was discussed over drinks

Bossy's visit

The first time I was mistaken for a hooker

Meeting a Cardinal's baseball player

My cat goes crazy

The post with the most hits (it's the bikini post, are you surprised?)

The ones about my car accident

The BlogHer posts, plus the hostel and my first troll

Exposing my messy side

Blogging while online dating can be hard

This is as naked as it gets. I'm going to tell my story and then I will never mention it again. Comments will be closed on this post.

I've been sad today. I'm not sure what triggered it exactly. No, that's a lie. One of the bloggers I know in the way you know someone on the internet though you never met suffered a personal tragedy last week. And instead of rushing to support her, I pulled away because it was too painful for ME, which leaves me feeling guilty and raw, which is why I drank WAY more than was healthy for me Saturday night and had to have my hair held back by a friend for the very first time. I HATE that he saw me in pain like that, even if he had no idea what it was that he was seeing.

So, here we go. I've been in love twice in my lifetime. Once was with my high school sweetheart. He was my best friend for nine years and I was his. After some time had passed, we were able to be friends again after the break-up. The second was shorter and more complicated, but he taught me things about myself that I was grateful to learn. (But, yes, if I had the opportunity, I would happily kick him in the head.) Though we have tried, there is a very basic reason he and I can never be friends.

A few weeks after this break-up, I realized something was going on with my body. I was pregnant. The tiny bundle of cells lasted 8 weeks before my body rejected it. Long enough for the ex-boyfriend to tell me to end it, long enough for him to change his mind, long enough for me to tell him to go fuck himself, long enough for me to make a plan, long enough to picture a little face to go with the morning sickness and the "oh my god, I can smell EVERYTHING!". I wasn't ready and I wasn't prepared, but I was determined to make it work, to make a life for myself and a faceless little someone. And, then I didn't have to. And my heart just broke into a million pieces.

I thought that it would be like getting over a break-up, that over time, I would just go back to being myself. It didn't work like that. I spent months picking up the pieces of my life, pretending like everything was normal since only a handful of people had any idea what I'd gone through. I was TERRIFIED of accidentally getting pregnant again. I avoided men like the plague and retreated into the life I had created in my apartment, the life I was living here. I got up, I moved around, I breathed in and out. For a time, it was enough. I was surviving and it was enough.

If you've been here for a while, you know that I woke up from my half-life this summer and decided to date again. Breathing in and out wasn't enough anymore, there was less pretending and though I'll never be the person I was before, I wanted more than surviving. So I tried for a normal life. It hasn't always gone smoothly, but I'm getting there and I'm ready to fall in love again. I'm ready to take that risk again. So, that's what I'm looking for, romance and a life. I think it's time. That is all. Today I am sad, but tomorrow will be better and at the next party I will politely decline the jello shots. I promise. ;)

So, yeah, I've been sucking with the whole blogging thing lately all around. Blogger girl has been asleep at the wheel. It's a combination of things, really. I started working days at my job, which unlike some of your places of employment, does not have internet access. And I went WAAAAY over on my text message allotment last month, so I had to stop getting twitter updates sent to my phone, which makes me feel woefully out of touch. ;(

The time change has confused the crap out of me, too. I find myself thinking it's time for bed until I glance at a clock and see that it's barely 8 o'clock! I've been too busy to get in a funk about it, but I'm sleepier than normal, which I've decided to blame on the sun rather than laziness. lol

Naked Mondays are much harder while dating, I've found. I can't seem to find the right words to say what I'm trying to say while only exposing myself and no one else. How does Carrie do it? (Yes, I know, fictional character, but come on, use your imagination here.)

It's been brought to my attention recently and not so recently that I seem mysterious to guys. On one hand, this always takes me by surprise. On the other hand, I see what they're saying, I'm just not sure what to do about it. For most of my life, I haven't made friends very easily. If a job or a class ended, there were people I spoke with everyday that I never saw again. I've had friends for different phases of my life, friends for boyfriends, friends that seemed to be tied to a location, but I've rarely had more than one or two close friends at a time, friends who knew me all the way down to my toes, you know? I didn't let people get close enough, why, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's residual shyness or just a learned defense mechanism, but that part is hardly new.

I decided to text an ex-boyfriend today to see if I could get to the root of the problem. He didn't remember my 18 year old self being very mysterious, but then he admitted that his 18 year old self was kind of oblivious. (Basically, he was no help. ;>) The ex is probably right in that my 18 year old self hadn't acquired this skill, but my 31 year old self is a master at it. Moral of the story? Dating is hard. ;>

Apparently, this is a more recent thing, but somehow I doubt it's just me. Don't we all hold parts of ourselves back for protection?

What do you think? How much of yourself do you hold apart from others? How would a mysterious person become less mysterious?

A few months ago, my sister called me with a question. She was putting her affairs in order and making out a will. She asked me if I would be my nephew's guardian in case something happened to her. Not because I was the most logical choice, but because I have a couple of personality traits that make me perfect for the job.

I come from a small town and one of the very CHARMING traits of small town life is the WWTNT disorder or "What Will The Neighbors Think?". I can't count the number of times I heard that question or something to that effect throughout my childhood and I grew to hate the idea of allowing the possibility of what people may think to dictate my actions. (Typical teenager. "But MOOoom!") The difference between then and now is an even stronger sense of self, which includes an independent streak and a deep well of stubbornness. The stubbornness is what comes in handy in this case. As awesome as my parents are, they suffer from WWTNT and in my nephew's situation, that could be troublesome. My sister knows that she can count on me to do what I think is right, not just seek to make everyone happy. Being a stubborn bitch when needed can come in handy. ;) Basically I would fight anyone who stood in my way to keep the little brat safe and happy....

just the way we like him. ;)

A couple of weeks ago, I was perusing a set of photos on a friend's myspace page and talking on the phone at the same time. The photos were from the night I went bowling with friends, and one of the girls caught me from the side in mid-hurl. (I suck at bowling. I pretty much suck at all sports. They always picked me last and I didn't blame them. Beside the point.)

Me: "Oh my god, is that what I look like?!"

Her: "What?"

Me: "Are my legs really that small? That's what I look like?"

Her: "It's about damn time you noticed!"

I was talking to an Aunt at my recent family reunion and she asked how I got so thin and I told her the truth, that I've had a lot of stress in my life recently and I've been forgetting to eat. "Well, that doesn't sound like something I could do."

"No, I wouldn't recommend it, really."

I put my body type on my match.com profile as about average even though a more accurate description would be slender or too fucking skinny because I still see myself as the self I was 20 pounds ago and even occasionally get startled by a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

When I saw that photo, though, I knew I had to do something.

Me: "I'm going to gain 15 pounds."

Her: "Thank God, you were starting to freak me out."

And this is the part where I want to throw my arms over my head and ask people not to throw anything at my head. I feel bad saying I need to gain weight, like I've broken some sort of sacred woman code, like I should be happy to watch my boobs shrink and my hipbones stick further out. After all, if the fashion magazines that I like to read are to be believed, I've reached some sort of pinnacle of weight to height ratio. That's ridiculous. I learned very young that thin does not equal happy. At this point in my life, I'm just working on maintaining my weight because if I have to buy one more fracking pair of jeans, I'm going to completely lose my shit. ;) This is how my body reacts to stress, which isn't the worst thing, I guess, but it sure is a pain in the ass.

I'm 5' 8" and weigh as of a few minutes ago 125, 5 pounds from my goal. How's that for Naked? ;)

 

 

BlogHer asked me to write about Tinker Bell for a promotion they are doing and since I'm a big fan, I happily agreed. You can find my story about looking for fairies in my mother's garden over here.

Every once in a while I get a wild hair to move furniture and completely rearrange my apartment. And since doing such makes everything worse before it gets better, my apartment is messier than normal, war zone comes to mind. ;) The vacuum has been running, the cat is traumatized, and my bed is now on the other side of the room. (The same place I put it when I moved into the apartment last summer.*rolling eyes*) Why do I do this? It's like I'm nesting or something, but I've done it countless times since childhood, like if I move this piece of furniture or maybe that one, the room will suddenly seem bigger or flow better. Or maybe I really am just trying to make room for my shoes. ;) Since you saw my kitchen a couple of weeks ago, and I spent all that time arranging and rearranging furniture today, and y'all are nosy, I thought I'd show you what my bedroom looks like.

From the doorway...

From sitting on the bed.....

Most of my heels.....

Flats hanging on the back of my closet door. (It's a teeny tiny closet, which is why I have a clothing rack for dresses and pants.)

 

I'm still not completely done, there are photos that have been sitting in a box that need to be hung on the wall and two more of those frames for my jewelry. (I'll tell you about those later.) Oh, and the other window needs curtains now that the bed isn't up against it. A few odds and ends though, and I can move on to the living room, I have this really neat idea for the coffee table, but I'm making myself finish cleaning up the mess I made before I do that. My life. Fascinating, isn't it? ;)

I've spent the last few months barefoot or in sandals, but it's time for socks again and pretty, pretty boots.

I have a weakness.

A weakness for bright colored socks, especially knee highs.

A relatively innocent weakness, I know, but a costly one.

Now I've added brightly colored tights to the mix.

I'm totally enamored of these.

So what's a silly thing you buy compulsively? Magazines? Books? CDs? Postcards? Gum? Cheese? This list is only going to get more ridiculous....;)

Heh. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Pervs. (And can someone explain why I always want to spell magic with a J?)

As promised, I'm going to show you my kitchen. Brace yourselves.

My stove...EXCITING! The white counter type thing next to the stove I made myself...which is why it wobbles. I would never make it as a carpenter, basically. ;) Yes, that is a grill pan, which I LOVE. The kitchen doodads, including the magnetic knife thingy, I bought at IKEA, of course. This is my attempt at organization..here's the other.

Spices, salt and pepper shakers, my cute little diner sugar dispenser, and more spoons. SPOOONS!! Yeah...I don't know either. ;)

So, this is why I have to be sort of organized...

Cause these are the only cabinets I have, aaannnnd a sink full of dishes. You do remember THIS post, don't you? Messy. I hate doing dishes. Ugh. But, the point is, there are 2 tiny bits of counter top and that's it. Which would be great if I didn't, you know, cook. So, the wobbly counter bit is born. ;)

Ok, look away from the dishes. Look in my fridge. Come on...stop looking already, geesh!

Fascinating isn't it? Geesh, I should throw out that pizza box. I can see bacon and icing, cream cheese, butter, eggs, cheese, sliced ham, and some left over chicken, which now that I think about it, should be thrown out too. Ok, another angle.

Um, bacon grease, garlic, spaghetti sauce, chicken broth, bbq sauce, catalina dressing, which is a really excellent marinade for chicken....basically I need to go to the grocery store, I'm out of milk and juice and potatoes.

I'm feeling really naked now, I hope you're happy. ;) So share, what's in your fridge? What's your favorite thing in your kitchen? (LOVE that grill pan!)

This is a meme, I was tagged by Sonrie at 1017.

Why, yes, I AM cheating and you will be shutting up now.

 

1. There will be a new post up today at Photo Bliss authored by little ol' me. I figured out how to put photos in blogger posts without losing your mind.

2. Speaking of photos, I had my hair cut again.

3. Speaking of hair, I color my hair several times a year, lighter in the summer, darker in winter. It's time to make it darker.

4. I also have something interesting in mind if I can find the stuff I need. It's a surprise, you'll have to wait. ;)

5. I use laundry detergent that is dye and fragrance free. If I can remember without going down to the basement, I think it's ALL. (the brand)

6. I ordered some yarn to make a baby hat and booties for a girl at work. She's having a boy. She almost cried when I asked if that was ok, but I just have to have someone in mind when I knit, I don't know why.

 

Rules for this meme are simple, link to the person who tagged you, list your 6 things and link to 6 people. Not sure if all of these people will play along, but what the hell...

Roseyland

Mocha Momma becuz she's on a hiatus, but she might want something mindless to do

Kendra of A Thousand Words

Heather of Desperately Seeking Sanity

Jason of The Jason Show

Whitney of The Ugly Green Chair

I still like the kitchen idea and was going to write about it this week, but something sort of fell into my lap.

You may remember that I talked about deciding to date again when I got back from San Francisco. Well, one night when I was sitting in front of the computer unable to sleep, I decided to be a little more proactive than asking my work friends if they have any available brothers and signed up for Match.com. And then, of course my browser froze halfway through writing my profile. Ugh! Talking about myself! So hard!! Wait.. ;)

Sooo, I forgot about it for awhile and then I went out with my friend J Saturday night to a local bar and whew! The pickins' they are slim!! Ok, there was one cute guy but then when I was walking out to my car he said something really inappropriate about a part of my anatomy that I won't be repeating here. And, really, it's not like I'm that picky, attraction and some mutual interests, that's it. I'm not a high maintenance kind of girl and I don't like the high maintenance Abercrombie sort of guy. So, yeah, I was sort of disappointed in my options. And I decided to give Match a real try, thinking, frankly, that little would come of it. I finished the profile and uploaded a picture before going to bed last night.

And then when I logged on to Hotmail today, I had 4 emails. Wha? Then, of course, I panic, because Ahhh! what am I supposed to do with THIS!? A couple of guys I found interesting and emailed them back, now we just wait to see what happens. Fascinating, isn't it? ;)

My biggest problem is I'm not sure what the etiquette is here, do you email back everyone who contacts you, or just the ones you are interested in from looking at their profile? And then, how do you choose which profiles to be interested in? I mean, I'm the girl who dated the guy who didn't know he was gay and who's last boyfriend wanted to get married then panicked and is now dating a 22 year old because there's no future in it!! I really know how to pick em, is what I'm saying. ;) (hmm, may have forgotten to tell you about that one)

I did put on the profile that I write on the internet, though not where, but, really, if they're interested I won't be hard to find. I did want them to know that up front, because though I won't be talking any specifics here, I'm sure there will be plenty of blog fodder to be had and I wouldn't want anyone to be blindsided if I mention our date. ;) I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about cuz dating is a crap shoot, and sure to be humorous where I'm concerned. Stay tuned to watch the drama unfold!! lol

 

A couple of small things before I wrap this up...my other best friend, Sarah, got a big promotion tonight, I just wanted to congratulate her....and please join me this weekend here, the St. Louis Interactive Conference. The St. Louis Bloggers Guild put this together and I'm really excited. If you are a St. Louis blogger or just a local music lover, please come. It's $15 for the whole event and should be tons of fun!

I skipped Naked Mondays last week and I'm sitting here in front of my computer and. I've. got. NOTHIN'!! Please Halp!! Suggestions are appreciated, nothing dirty of course, just you know, naked figuratively. Read the past posts and leave a suggestion in the comments. And YOU! Yes, you, the lurkers! Feel free to chime in here!! Help a girl get Naked, people!! ;)

I went to a community college near my hometown. I graduated with an Associates Degree and was supposed to go to Eastern Illinois University. I can't remember what happened exactly, though if I had to guess, I would say that there was a paper I forgot to fill out, I'm notorious for that sort of thing, but I couldn't go to Eastern, because their education program was full and I would have to wait a semester before I could go. My mom was not at all thrilled and she said that I was going to Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville. I can point to that one decision for changing the course of my life. I can tell you where I would be now if I had waited the semester and gone to Eastern. I would probably be married to my high school sweetheart, the first great love of my life. I would also be absolutely. fucking. MISERABLE. I would already be a teacher for 6 years, but I would probably be contemplating divorce and have children. I would have the life I thought I wanted but I would be unhappy. I was already unhappy and dissatisfied with my choices, I just didn't know it yet. If I had stayed at Eastern, I would have never met my 2 best friends, Dan and Sarah, or my second great love, J. I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wouldn't have had any reason to explore myself and discover my love for fashion or photography. I would still be the girl who had never had her own room or her own apartment. I would have never lived, not really. One choice and it completely changed the direction of my life. Thank God.

 

(And, thank you, R, for breaking up with me and allowing me to be free to discover myself and what I want out of my life. I'm still figuring that out but I'm also honestly enjoying the journey. I don't regret either our relationship or it's end.)

Can you point to any one decision, either one you made or one that was made for you that changed the course of your life? Share in the comments!

This is Dan. He is currently in Afghanistan. He's deployed with the Army to...do

something, I'm sure. (He told me about it but there were acronyms involved and I can never remember that shit.) He's also a giant pain in the ass. By giant, I mean he's really tall. And by pain in the ass I mean...he's a pain in the ass. A lovable ass, but still....

You may be wondering right now what Dan has to do with Naked Mondays. That is a very good question and here's the answer. I don't talk about relationships, but I had a wild hair last week and decided to start. The Naked part comes in when you consider HOW we became best friends.

Dan and I dated for a bit. Well, ok, we started out with a friends with benefits arrangement and when he pushed for more, I went along with it rather than run the other direction, which is my normal M.O. He was home from basic training and spent most of his weekends holed up with me in my apartment where he marveled at my ability to wander around naked without a care. (Heh. I'm like Redneck Mommy in that.) I was surprised. I mean he lived with a girl for a few months. I'm not alone there, right? Help me out ladies! When we weren't making fun of each other, we went to the zoo and drove to his hometown of Chicago for the weekend. (He only complained a little when I conned him into spending an afternoon at IKEA.)

But. Anyway, it didn't take long before I realized I had made a mistake and we were better off as friends. Lucky for me, he agreed and after a little time for adjustment and getting drunk together at his brother's wedding, we've been best friends ever since. I can tell this guy ANYTHING, and pretty much have. He's seen me at my absolute worst, held my hand while I ugly cried, and even took care of me when I was sick. I helped him build up his confidence after it had been smothered by a girl, held his hand as he struggled with big decisions and told him point blank when he was being an ass. He's my best friend. The ass.

He would want me to tell you that he's quite the lady's man, but he's married to the love of his life and it tickles me to see him so happy. He would also want you to know that he's proud of the work he is doing, but he's really looking forward to being home again. He'll be home next month sometime for mid-tour leave and I can't wait to see him safe, at least for a little while.

So there I am, Naked. Well, at least my relationships are laid out for the internets to see. ;)

I have a Naked Monday for you today, that I have to admit, may scare some of you. The ugly truth...is that I'm a slob. I'll admit it. I am incredibly absent minded and the more stressed I get, the messier my  apartment gets. I've been pretty stressed lately. The totaled car, school starting up again, my big trip, a change in regime at work, and waiting for a new job to start has put me on edge lately and my home suffers for it. Prepare yourself, people, here is my living room.

This was taken tonight, from the vantage point of my kitchen. What you can't see to the right is the door that leads downstairs and out, to the left is the TV. That's my couch that my best friend, Dan gave me when he joined the Army. It has a slipcover to protect it from my cat, the rest of it is the ugly blue plaid of those cushions. I've always intended to make some slipcovers for the cushions to match the curtains, but haven't gotten around to it. The  curtains in the background are from IKEA. I love them and would like to paint the walls the same color as the blue stripe, the bright colors and modern print make me happy. The coffee table in front is also from IKEA. The top is decoupaged with a world map, an idea I saw on the internet somewhere. The coffee table is covered in various papers, and most of my jewelry that never made it back to the bedroom after my trip. That's my laptop on the couch, which should be on the little desk right behind it, but the only chair that I have that works with the desk is quite hard and all the time I spend with the interwebs makes it too hard on the bum. ;) I can see the phone book I was using earlier, a couple of magazines, some books and the chocolate I bought in Ghirardelli Square. Under the throw blanket on the couch are some more books, yarn and probably some mail that should be opened. Scared yet? ;) I'm off work the next two days, maybe I'll have the energy to tackle this mess...or maybe not. ;) So, here's my question for you this week....are you a neat freak? A slob? Or somewhere in between?

Saturday, it suddenly occurred to me that the Fall semester is only 2 weeks away and I don't have any pants that fit. Well, I didn't have any. I went on a little shopping spree at work. I've been gathering a few things here and there when something not to be missed was heavily discounted, but I needed some things that were student teacher appropriate and still me. And then, I took pictures, so I could share it all with you all. Yeah, I know, you're thrilled, aren't ya? But, here's the thing...at Blogher, everyone asks you what your blog is about, and other than saying it was about me, I didn't really have an answer. So. I'm going to try a few things here and there to see what sticks. I have tons of interests, but I have no idea if I want to talk about anything in particular or just flounder about as usual. I hope you will bear with me. ;) I'm going to try fashion first, so we'll talk about clothes today, cool?

(The photos were kinda grainy from the low light and, er, something that I should have done with the camera, so I amped up the grainy, which turned out pretty interesting.)

Y twittered this and I think it's appropriate (or not, depending on how you look at it) Enjoy!

Well, I'm still moving around, just slowly. No Naked Monday this week, sorry. Between working, laundry for BlogHer, and my discomfort, I wasn't inspired to share this week. Next week, though, will be Naked BlogHer! Hee.

I am doing well, no lasting damage to anything but my car. She wasn't much to look at and I guess I can be thankful that at least the car wasn't a great financial loss, just really bad timing. I've never been one of those people who thinks, if I hadn't gone to McDonald's to get a breakfast sandwich and a sweet ice tea, I wouldn't be in this situation. But when I stumbled out of my crumpled car, wearing that sweet tea, it was hard not to, especially as the green light was still staring right at me.

I've never had an accident like this before and I found that it was harder to recover from mentally than physically. I am starting to get my head back on straight, though, and thank god I live in an urban environment with public transportation. A bus and an mp3 player is all I need. ;) I should have a car of some sort next week, if nothing else, it seems I will be borrowing a family vehicle until I figure out a more permanent solution. Right now, I'm dealing with the lovely hassles of insurance companies and towing a car. Here's hoping the bruising on my ribs fades by thursday, cuz laughing, one of my very favorite activities, is painful at the moment. ;)

Thank you everyone, for the well wishes, I appreciate it more than you know. :)

I had another Naked Monday post up here last night and...well...I hated it. It sucked and I apologize to the 3 of you who read it since I couldn't in all conscience announce it on Twitter. This is the post I should have done all along.

Last week, I went to see Ingrid Michaelson at The Pageant on the Loop. I love the Pageant. I know many people here in St. Louis hate the venue, but I love how it feels like a club and even though the drinks are expensive, the tickets are not and if you pay with cash, they waive the fee that every concert venue charges you for nothing, as far as I can tell. I've been to several shows at the Pageant and they always put on a good show and that's the important thing. I was there with my friend A, who I met through an ex and though we aren't close, I can always count on her for a concert buddy, cause we like similar music and she's always up for a show. We had great fun as usual and she was mesmerized by the opening act. (ok, I'll admit it, his singing voice was pretty sexy and you can hear for yourself on his myspace page here For Ingrid's myspace page go here Check them out, you'll like them. well, I do and taste is of course relative, but I recommend both)

The photos aren't the point of this post, mostly because I took them with my camera phone and camera phone=suck. But just to illustrate the night, here is a pic of Ingrid who was unexpectedly funny in that at one point she yelled into the crowd, "Come on, people, let me feel you up!!!!" The story of how she discovered the Arch had stairs and a museum and a "TRAM!" was hilarious too. What made the night for me was what happened in my head while I listened to her sing.

The girl on the left is the back up singer and, don't laugh, I've always wanted to do this. There's no reason you should know this, but I can sing. Like I used to sing, in front of others, and even competed in high school. Granted, that was...many years ago, but the point is I can sing. I don't have any interest in fame and fortune, I don't want my name in lights, but I think it would be amazing to tour with a band and sing back up. Small ambitions, but ones I never did anything about. Why? Well, I never had the balls. And now I do...have the balls, er, or something. So, I started thinking and I thought, what's stopping me from trying? Nothing really, and did you know that there are bands on craigslist looking for singers? There are!! So, here's what I'm thinking...any of you St. Louis readers up for Karaoke? It's been a while since I sang for anyone but friends and I need the practice before I audition for anything at all. Sound good? Who's with me? ;)

I'm not fishing for compliments, here. I don't need you to say that you can't see the cellulite (it's there, you can tell in this one). I don't need you to tell me that I look nice in a swimsuit. If you leave a comment on this one, I'd prefer that you say that you'll go support the other women that take on this challenge. If you compliment me at all, say that you think it's brave that I did this and you admire my ability to expose myself in this way without throwing up. ;) I am comfortable enough with myself to know that the imperfections don't really matter. (Fake it 'til you make it.) The imperfections don't matter because I don't let them, I refuse to let others and what I THINK they see determine my self image. This is me. Naked. Sort of. ;)