Under the Arch

I am a puzzle solver. I want to know the answers and I can wait, but I prefer right now, please. I keep word finds in my purse and in various places in my apartment for those times when a quiet moment would bring your mind around to the things that you'd rather not think about right now, thanks. (By the way, is anyone else bothered by finding words in a word find that aren't on the list? Do they do that on purpose just to make my head explode? No one else finds this bothersome? Really?)

I am the go-to girl for advice at work with everything from how to tell if a boy likes you (remember, I work in retail, half of these girls are practically babies) to what to do if you are making out with a guy and he starts masturbating in front of you. (I swear, this was a real concern. I told her my first thought would be awesome, now I don't have to do it.) Half of the time, I wonder why anyone would possibly want me to tell them what to do and the other half I figure it's my lot in life and maybe I should just surrender and do it for a living. (Anyone want to pay me to give them advice? MY life is sort of a mess, but I can fix yours. lol) I am never happier than with a problem to solve, preferably someone ELSE'S problem.

Meanwhile, there's this guy that sort of popped back into my life, and I have no idea what to do with him. I don't know why, but he sort of intimidates me, which makes me the quiet standoffish version of myself. I can't even explain to you how annoying I find that. I can't seem to stop myself, though. I'm mysterious girl around him, and I'm beginning to think that he reacts by being equally mysterious. Which, of course, is even more annoying. lol Oy, here's hoping that I can figure him out soon and stop turning the problem of him around and around in my head. I'm a puzzle solver, you know I can't stand it to have a problem I can't solve. ;)

• I went to Novaks again last night. I tried to explain to Will about how a lesbian bar and say a bar on the landing are a completely difference experience for a girl and so next week we are going to attempt a little social experiment to prove my point.;)

 

• The weather has been amazing the last few days and I'm sorry to see it go again, I can't wait for spring to truly get here.

 

• I'm finding myself more and more annoyed by the ex-boyfriend, though I'm trying really hard to bite my tongue so I don't ruin him even more for the next girl. I'm afraid that anything I say at this point would just be mean rather than helpful.

 

• I'm being promoted at work, but I'm not supposed to know and have to act surprised when it happens. ;) The new position is full time, more creative and should give me most weekends off. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes according to plan.

 

• I went to a craft fair today and bought a pair of earrings from a glass artist. She was explaining to me the process and I think I can make them myself, so I'll have to dig my supplies out of the basement soon and give it a try.

 

• Though something else is going on, I've written and deleted several sentences to say that I have no idea what that something is or if it is a something at all and rather than be upset, I'm mostly amused and curious to see what happens next. How's that for cryptic?

So, it's been an interesting week. I was contacted by an old friend out of the blue early last week. (friend? man that I briefly dated? friend? not really sure on that one)   He was the first match.com date that I, you know, dated, so I was hardly surprised that he just wanted to be friends after 3 weeks. What a difference a few months make, I had no idea what I was doing and I'm sure I confused the crap out of the poor guy, I was impossible to read. He wants to hang out again, which is nice, since he lives within walking distance. The timing is fortunate, spending time with him wouldn't have been possible even a week ago due to the ex-boyfriend's jealousy issues.

I was up for something Wednesday night, but he was studying for his boards, so I called my friend Johnna to see if she wanted to go to the bar. She did, of course, and we drowned our mutual annoyance with the men in our lives in cherry bombs, tequila sunrises, and laughter. I woke up the next morning feeling more positive about the state of the world, but not the state of my head. So, Thursday was hangover day, and other than a trip outside to have lunch at a little place called Biggies which oh my god, has an excellent burger, I spent most of the day in bed.

Friday, I was sure that I was going to stay home...but then my new friend Will called to ask me if I wanted to go dancing. And I have a weakness for dancing. We went to Novaks, which is one of the bars on Manchester in south city and danced our little hearts out.

Will and I have this running joke about doctors and how the only way I'll ever be able to afford these Chanel shoes we both covet will be by sleeping with a rich man who will buy me presents. Now, this is a JOKE, mind you, I would never sleep with someone in order to coerce expensive shoes from them. That would, of course, be wrong. Ahem.

Aaaanyway, we were trying to pick out a doctor in the crowd, and one guy in particular was eying me and attempting to work up the courage to come over and talk to me when Will got in his head that this guy must be a doctor. I said there was no possible way that a doctor would come to a bar trolling for women dressed like that. We bet a shot on it and I...went to the dance floor, but I can't remember why at the moment. The tequila insisted that I shake my ass, I guess. Will found me a couple of minutes later triumphant.

"He's a doctor! I TOLD you!"

"What the hell is he a doctor of, exactly?"

"Bats!"

"That doesn't count! Has to be a MEDICAL doctor! No shot for you!"

Poor guy, he must have been so confused.

I'm going to leave you with this much of my weekend cuz I'm going to bed now, but there's more to come....

Here's how it all happened....

First, came the jury duty summons in the mail. That's. just. fabulous. I've never had jury duty before and all I could think about was the weird fruit guy from the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie had jury duty and sat in the courthouse all day waiting for something to happen. So the good news is I would get some knitting done, right? Except on the list of prohibited items next to guns, knives, and chemical weapons is...you know, knitting needles. I'm sorry, what?! The FAA allows knitting needles onto airplanes, but I can't knit at the courthouse, makes perfect sense.

I made a new friend at work. He loves fashion and knows way more about it than I do. We crack each other up and make Mean Girl comments about customers together. His dream car is a Jeep Wrangler. When I found this out I insisted we must have been separated at birth. He's the perfect guy friend, fun, sarcastic and gay. Oh, and he lives less than a block away and has a doctor friend that he thinks I might like. ;) We have plans to drink wine and paint my apartment now that I've finally decided on colors.

Okay, the left boob thing....I started taking birth control since I had a real live boyfriend again. It had been a year since I was taking the bc and it sort of screws with my system the first month. PMS has been FUN!! In a surge of hormones, my boob swelled, which ok isn't that unusual but the fact that only ONE of them did, is. Oy.

The hours available at work have been sort of ridiculous, so I told my manager that I would need a full time position at the new store or at my current one, or I'm going on a job hunt. Since I'm awesome, she agreed that I deserve the opportunity, and she's going to talk to the district manager. Go me for being proactive!

I know, I know enough about all this trivial shit, what about the boyfriend?! Well, poor boyfriend, it was a case of nice guy that you really wanted to see a future with, but just didn't. Frankly, he was too nice for me. I'm a nice person, and an excellent friend, but as you may have noticed here, I'm also sarcastic and I have a bit of a temper. Plus, he had been kind of recently divorced from a woman who cheated. I think he TRIED not to be a jealous guy, but he just couldn't help it and I don't have the sort of patience to constantly reassure someone going through that. So, to make a long story short, it had to end and I had to end it. Have I told you how much I hate confrontation? Let's just say a lot. That wasn't fun. I am now on hiatus. I'm going to go out with friends, dance, sing, paint my apartment, and celebrate my birthday, then I'll think about men again. That is the plan.

So, what have you been up to?

I have lots of things to share, including but not limited to:

making a new friend

my crazy left boob

my decision to get a new job

being summoned for jury duty




oh

and breaking up with my boyfriend.

It's been an interesting week. ;)

Whether it's your crazy ex-boyfriend, his crazy ex-girlfriend, or the toxic ex-friend who just won't leave you alone, I think it's safe to say that we all have people in our lives we would like to forget, or at least we wish they would forget US.

For instance, I once dated a guy, we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was a social butterfly and I was tired of staying at home all the time. He was exactly what I needed then, but being the life of the party got old after a while and, well, there was this, so I broke it off as kindly as I knew how. He pretended to take it well and then called me twice a week, leaving messages on my machine, wanting me to give him another chance. He continued this for 3 months. Just so you know, this is NOT the way to endear yourself to a girl. He recently sent me an email through match.com asking me how I was doing. Needless to say, I didn't respond.

I'm now having a problem with a more recent ex. We've been broken up for 2 years now, but he had a bad habit of popping back into my life when.....who knows really. He was lonely? His girlfriend was being annoying? It never amounted to anything, for the things that broke us up in the first place didn't exactly fix themselves and he had a charming way of digging himself in an even deeper hole(exhibit A) I finally realized that in order to remove him from my life, I would have to tell him not to contact me again. So I did. In fact, I asked him not to read my blog or myspace page anymore, either. He agreed, vehemently.

I thought it was over. And it was, for me. And then, an IP address started popping up regularly in my stat counter. You see, I get readers from all over the world, but rarely do I get readers from the metro east. So, when one number shows up regularly, I'm bound to get a little curious. The IP popped up more and more often and I got really nosy. Imagine my surprise when I realized where it originated. Denny's, my ex's favorite hangout. Sadly, I could clearly picture it. Sitting in a booth, drinking coffee and looking at my Naked Monday posts when his girlfriend had already gone home for the night. It's what he did for months at a time while we were broken up, though using the wifi at Denny's is new.

I lost my temper at first. The idea that he was still hanging on to this little piece of me after all the mean and awful things he said was a bit more than I could take. I've calmed down a bit and this is my solution. After all, if you can't call out an ex-boyfriend for thinking he's outsmarted you, what else is a blog good for?

Now, on to a funnier story. Well, funny for me anyway. My friend, we'll call her Sarah, since that's her name, has a habit of dating guys with crazy exs. One such time, she stayed over at her new guy's house and the next morning, while they were still sleeping, his ex-fiance burst into the house, mother in tow, screaming and cursing, calling Sarah any number of foul names, all while a lit cigarette dangled dangerously from her lip. If that wasn't enough of a picture for you, the ex-fiance then ripped the comforter off the bed where Sarah and her guy were still lying in shock and embarrassment. I'm pretty sure she is still traumatized to this day, wouldn't you be?

So, I have an assignment for you....tell me your most embarrassing crazy ex story, leave it in the comments, or link to your own blog post. Mine are kind of pathetic and my friend needs to read about something worse than her experience. Help me out?

I'm not really sure how this works, so I'm going to go with things that make me happy today. Trying to stay positive. Staying positive while WINTER IS TAKING OVER is important. I hate winter and so I'm trying to find grace in small things is what I'm saying. This wasn't my idea. I'm a joiner. It was Schumtzie's idea. She even started  a social network here. Join if you'd like and we can all practice being more positive finding grace in the small things.

 

1. Winter doesn't last forever.

2. This is the first winter in years that I haven't felt the need to be medicated. (yet. keeping my fingers crossed.)

3. My AT&T UVerse and DVR

4. Forgotten tax return money that will arrive just in time to buy me a new computer to replace my 5 yr old laptop which is about one blue screen of death away from a meltdown.

5. Having a boy in my life that I feel comfortable enough with to show him my apartment

6. spiced tea

7. an unlimited number of recipes to try and the confidence to try them

8. grocery shopping from my couch

9. steak and roasted potatoes with Country Bob's sauce for dinner

10. Trivia nights with the boyfriend and MP

11. Impressing people with my cupcake baking skillz

12. laughing so hard at work that I fall down

13. a boyfriend that finds it charming that I fall down a lot

14. filling a wall with my photography

You may have noticed my lack of writing lately. I have some serious writer's block, it's just as annoying for me as it is for you. Since I can't seem to write in a narrative way, I'm just going to do a stream of consciousness thing today and we're all just going to have to deal. Hopefully soon, I'll figure out how to write while twitterpated.

The thing is, I'm like any other girl in the beginning of a relationship. All I want to talk about is the relationship. And no one wants to hear about how sweet he is or how much fun I'm having. Frankly, all the sighing and grinning at nothing is making ME want to throw up. I'm really overwhelmed, because this last match.com match-up has moved along rather fast in the emotion department. It makes me nervous, but I'm not shutting down or wanting to run so I'm looking at this as personal growth no matter how the relationship turns out.

I went with my friend Jessica to see a show at the Pageant last week and had a great time, but I've discovered that I am not meant for mosh pits. The show was a guy, a DJ, I guess who called himself Girl Talk, which was a giant dance party of sorts. My friend wanted to get up on stage to dance, unfortunately, so did every other underage idiot in the place. (My friend is not an idiot, she's a brilliant writer who asked me the other day if she could write a book about me one day. Why she would want to write a book about me is beyond my comprehension, but I'm sure if she wrote it, it would be amazing.) Anyway, the floor near the stage suddenly resembled a cattle chute and it was all I could do to keep upright. Madness ensued and I was seriously pissed off, elbowing anyone who dared to shove me and pulling a girl out from under the trampling herd when she reached down by my feet to get her cell phone. Other than a wrenched knee, I was fine, but I've discovered I'm too old for that sort of insanity and I'll go back to the sort of concerts I usually enjoy, which are generally more adult. After it calmed down a little and the crowd realized that security wouldn't allow anymore people on the stage, we had a little room to maneuver and Jess and I danced until I couldn't breathe, occasionally shaking my head at the combination of music. (He mixed Kelly Clarkson and Nine Inch Nails together, then Journey and Lil Wayne, or vice-versa, I can't remember now. Reading this, you would think it was awful, but it wasn't.)

The new guy, S, took me to dinner and a movie Friday night, we went to see Clint Eastwood's new movie, Gran Torino. It was really good. Sunday was spent at his place watching football. (I know, I actually watched football on tv, on purpose. Granted, I had a Glamour magazine in my lap, but still, football.) And I had fun. We ate pizza and watched football and I had a great time. Twitterpated. It's the only explanation.

Oh, and the new camera is a Nikon D40. Photos coming soon, I promise.

Guess who got a new camera for Christmas? Guess who hasn't completely figured out how to use it?

As far as New Years goes, I don't really do resolutions. (I think last year I called them self-delusions, though I did manage to follow through on a couple.) I do have the new camera that needs to be broken in and Moosh in Indy mentioned a 365 project she will be participating in, so I thought I'd give that a try.

I do have some ideas for things I'd like to try this year, but I think I'm going to keep those secret a bit longer til I figure out if I can. ;)

I did volunteer to write about my online dating experience and to round that out a bit, I'd love to hear stories from others, blogger or not, especially guys. Email me, k?

Yes, I did start dating someone new since Christmas and we are getting along swimmingly. My head is sort of spinning actually and I'm not sure whether to be thrilled or terrified. ;) (He's not a blog reader, isn't that nice? lol)

Until, I can get the photos I've already taken uploaded, here are a few posts from last year that I especially liked.

My resolution to keep knitting is off to a roaring start

Making fun of my brother

Enjoying the weather

Where I first talk about my issues with food

Taking a walk in the park

One of my more popular Naked Monday posts that was discussed over drinks

Bossy's visit

The first time I was mistaken for a hooker

Meeting a Cardinal's baseball player

My cat goes crazy

The post with the most hits (it's the bikini post, are you surprised?)

The ones about my car accident

The BlogHer posts, plus the hostel and my first troll

Exposing my messy side

Blogging while online dating can be hard

It's Christmas Eve and I leave tomorrow for the land that time forgot, where I have to fight my little brother for access to a computer with dial-up. I was truly freaking out today when I heard that they had shut down part of the interstate where my parents live due to ice and snow. I called around and found someone to take part of my shift tomorrow so that I can leave before dark. Here's hoping the weather holds on rain. ;) I hope everyone has a lovely holiday without any unnecessary drama and that travel is safe if you have to travel.

p.s. I somehow managed to get a paper cut on a plastic bag tonight, which of course started bleeding everywhere.

p.p.s. I started talking to a new guy on Match, completely by happenstance and I have a date with him saturday. We've talked for HOURS on the phone, which is completely unlike me.

p.p.p.s. I usually pack xmas presents and such in these huge IKEA shopping bags that I have, but I can't find them anywhere. Hmmm.

p.p.p.p.s Oh, and I should be back sometime on friday. ;)

Yeah, that was me. ;) Here's a jumble of things that are too much for Twitter and not enough for a full post....

Thing #1: Thanks to Crystal, I found these truly hysterical handmade cards for the snark in all of you. ;) This one and this one are particular favorites. This one made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself. Her descriptions are just as funny as the cards.

Thing #2: I am officially single again. Ok, I was never officially un-single, but I'm not dating anyone in particular at the moment. ;) I've made a couple of good friends so far, that's pretty good, huh? lol

Thing #3: One of the girls I work with wants to set me up with her brother. I've never been set up before, so I thought, what the hell? I told her to go ahead if it makes her happy. I think he finds the idea of his little sister setting him up on a date as amusing as I do. ;)

Thing #4: I've bought all of 2 Christmas presents as of today. I suck at Christmas. lol

Thing #5: I went to Goodwill tonight to find some wool sweaters to felt. I have an idea for a present for my Grandma that I'll use them for, I'll post pictures when it comes together.

Thing #6: My camera pooped out on me, which is why there haven't been many photos lately. A new one is on my Christmas list, though the one I want is really too expensive for a present. We'll see what happens. ;)

Thing #7: A couple of movies came out today that I really want to see, Seven Pounds and Yes Man, but I couldn't find one person available to go with me. Boo :(

Thing #8: I am going to a Tweetup in St. Charles tomorrow. I wanted my friend Jessica to go with me cuz I'm determined to get her on Twitter, but she is going to the symphony instead. Now I kinda wish I was going with her. ;)

Thing #9: If you are not Twittering already, you really should! Peer Pressure! Ahhh!

Thing #10: I decided last week that I wanted to chop all my hair off. If you've seen the Naked Monday about my hair, you'd know that this isn't exactly a new thing. My friend, A, cuts my hair for me and she told me yesterday that she won't be cutting my hair as short as I'd like. She flat out refused. lol We renegotiated today for a longer style that will still eliminate a significant amount of length. It's just pissing me off right now. It's too long and heavy and it's takes too long to dry when it's freezing outside. It will almost be this long again by summer.

Thing #11: You know that movie eye flirting thing where a guy and girl meet eyes across the room and smile for what seems like forever? That totally happened to me today at work. One of the cute kiosk guys was walking in as I was walking out and he totally eye-flirted with me. And I started to smile back cuz he's cute, even if he's a lotion guy* and then I realized what I was doing and panicked. Ahhhh! So, I looked away and probably blushed. One of these days, I swear I'll get the hang of this. lol

Thing #12: It took me 45 minutes to leave work today...just to leave the parking lot! Damn holiday shoppers!! Weird thing? The parking lot wasn't even full, didn't make any kind of sense. I needed to go to the wal marts too, but was so frustrated by the time I made it to an actual ROAD, that I went home instead.

Thing #13: I decided to take my semi regular waxing further south. ;) Casey convinced me. lol

Thing #14: I can guarantee that I'm forgetting something. ;)

 

* One of the kiosks at every mall, they have a bottle of lotion that they smooth onto your hands. I walk by the same damn one EVERY DAY and they still try to sell me their stupid hand stuff. EVERY FUCKING DAY!! (Ok, not every day, but still, 5 days a week. I recognize THEM!)

This is as naked as it gets. I'm going to tell my story and then I will never mention it again. Comments will be closed on this post.

I've been sad today. I'm not sure what triggered it exactly. No, that's a lie. One of the bloggers I know in the way you know someone on the internet though you never met suffered a personal tragedy last week. And instead of rushing to support her, I pulled away because it was too painful for ME, which leaves me feeling guilty and raw, which is why I drank WAY more than was healthy for me Saturday night and had to have my hair held back by a friend for the very first time. I HATE that he saw me in pain like that, even if he had no idea what it was that he was seeing.

So, here we go. I've been in love twice in my lifetime. Once was with my high school sweetheart. He was my best friend for nine years and I was his. After some time had passed, we were able to be friends again after the break-up. The second was shorter and more complicated, but he taught me things about myself that I was grateful to learn. (But, yes, if I had the opportunity, I would happily kick him in the head.) Though we have tried, there is a very basic reason he and I can never be friends.

A few weeks after this break-up, I realized something was going on with my body. I was pregnant. The tiny bundle of cells lasted 8 weeks before my body rejected it. Long enough for the ex-boyfriend to tell me to end it, long enough for him to change his mind, long enough for me to tell him to go fuck himself, long enough for me to make a plan, long enough to picture a little face to go with the morning sickness and the "oh my god, I can smell EVERYTHING!". I wasn't ready and I wasn't prepared, but I was determined to make it work, to make a life for myself and a faceless little someone. And, then I didn't have to. And my heart just broke into a million pieces.

I thought that it would be like getting over a break-up, that over time, I would just go back to being myself. It didn't work like that. I spent months picking up the pieces of my life, pretending like everything was normal since only a handful of people had any idea what I'd gone through. I was TERRIFIED of accidentally getting pregnant again. I avoided men like the plague and retreated into the life I had created in my apartment, the life I was living here. I got up, I moved around, I breathed in and out. For a time, it was enough. I was surviving and it was enough.

If you've been here for a while, you know that I woke up from my half-life this summer and decided to date again. Breathing in and out wasn't enough anymore, there was less pretending and though I'll never be the person I was before, I wanted more than surviving. So I tried for a normal life. It hasn't always gone smoothly, but I'm getting there and I'm ready to fall in love again. I'm ready to take that risk again. So, that's what I'm looking for, romance and a life. I think it's time. That is all. Today I am sad, but tomorrow will be better and at the next party I will politely decline the jello shots. I promise. ;)

I ran into my friend Jessica tonight, which is why it's midnight and I'm just now baking my desserts to take to Thanksgiving dinner. We spent a ridiculous amount of time talking at Noodles and catching up on what had been happening in each others' lives.

She's been dating too and I wish I wrote down how she phrased her relationship status, cuz it had something to do with Facebook. She did say that Facebook was going to be her downfall. (Sound familiar, MP? ;>)

At one point, we were comparing the size of our clothing collections....

Me: Did I tell you about the time when I did a bunch of laundry and had to buy more hangers? I didn't even FINISH my laundry.

Her: You win.

Me: Is it bad that the idea of getting serious with someone means that I'll have to share a closet?

Her: What if he complains about how many pairs of shoes I have?

Me: It's like my worst nightmare!

Her: We are so sad.

Me: Yeah. Probably.


(I hope I don't have to explain that we were joking. Mostly.)

So, yeah, I've been sucking with the whole blogging thing lately all around. Blogger girl has been asleep at the wheel. It's a combination of things, really. I started working days at my job, which unlike some of your places of employment, does not have internet access. And I went WAAAAY over on my text message allotment last month, so I had to stop getting twitter updates sent to my phone, which makes me feel woefully out of touch. ;(

The time change has confused the crap out of me, too. I find myself thinking it's time for bed until I glance at a clock and see that it's barely 8 o'clock! I've been too busy to get in a funk about it, but I'm sleepier than normal, which I've decided to blame on the sun rather than laziness. lol

Naked Mondays are much harder while dating, I've found. I can't seem to find the right words to say what I'm trying to say while only exposing myself and no one else. How does Carrie do it? (Yes, I know, fictional character, but come on, use your imagination here.)

It's been brought to my attention recently and not so recently that I seem mysterious to guys. On one hand, this always takes me by surprise. On the other hand, I see what they're saying, I'm just not sure what to do about it. For most of my life, I haven't made friends very easily. If a job or a class ended, there were people I spoke with everyday that I never saw again. I've had friends for different phases of my life, friends for boyfriends, friends that seemed to be tied to a location, but I've rarely had more than one or two close friends at a time, friends who knew me all the way down to my toes, you know? I didn't let people get close enough, why, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's residual shyness or just a learned defense mechanism, but that part is hardly new.

I decided to text an ex-boyfriend today to see if I could get to the root of the problem. He didn't remember my 18 year old self being very mysterious, but then he admitted that his 18 year old self was kind of oblivious. (Basically, he was no help. ;>) The ex is probably right in that my 18 year old self hadn't acquired this skill, but my 31 year old self is a master at it. Moral of the story? Dating is hard. ;>

Apparently, this is a more recent thing, but somehow I doubt it's just me. Don't we all hold parts of ourselves back for protection?

What do you think? How much of yourself do you hold apart from others? How would a mysterious person become less mysterious?

It's so funny to me to say that phrase. All the silly adolescent fantasies of the rock and roll boyfriend that now make me roll my eyes with embarrassment. It's ridiculous the things we think are cool way back when. Now, when I actually get to say it out loud, I felt like an idiot. ;) I was sitting on a barstool and a guy asked me what I was doing there, alone in a bar and out it came. "I'm with the band." Inside my head, I'm giggling as I explain to total strangers why that is so funny to me. Then, of course, I'm trying to quietly and unobtrusively listen to the music, when the band raises their glasses to toast my Saturday off work. As the room's eyes switch to me (ok, so maybe it only felt like it) I'm sure my face turned ten shades of red. (Thanks guys!) As I listened to music and sipped my spiked cider, I was also wishing I had an ink pen, for I was once again itching to record my surroundings here, in this place. ;)

There was the couple to my right, who lived next door and were shocked to see a man taking photos of two very naked women in another apartment across the street. Apparently, they stumbled onto porn production in our fair city. If that wasn't enough, a guy at the table to my left was shouting about republicans in strip clubs. (Nope. No idea what that was about.)

I dedicated my Saturday to being as lazy as humanly possible with T. (The guy with the cute dog now has a letter, he's moving up in the world. lol) We watched TV and cooked dinner and....that's pretty much it. I succeeded at my goal. ;) Oh, I did finish a new hat that I was knitting, so, you know, there's that. lol

Sunday, I spent chasing down a pair of shoes I wanted and making the changes you can see here. I'm still working out the bugs and fitting in all the bits of things I had before, bear with me, even starting with a ready made template I still made changes that I had to figure out as I went. Which means, I was working on it all afternoon and evening and I'm still not satisfied. There's an "about me" that's new and I updated the Naked Monday page to include all the posts.

Ok, that's all for now, I have work in the morning and should already be in bed. ;)

• I've been seeing a guy with a dog (a different guy than from before, I sort of didn't mention that, huh?) The dog is adorable, but my cat has been PISSED at me and has done little more than grumble or mew pitifully at me for days. She finally seems to have gotten over it and let me rub her ears tonight. ;)
• I ordered groceries from Schnucks' delivery service. We could pretend that I don't have time for grocery shopping, but really, I just hate it and a $5 delivery charge is worth the reduced aggravation. I'm willing to give it a try anyway, consider me your guinea pig. ;)
• The holiday season is upon us, bringing with it all the stress, but also all the yummy FOOD! I was skimming my newest issue of Woman's Day (Do you have magazines showing up in your mailbox that you never actually subscribed for? No? Just me?) and tearing out recipes that I have to try and now I'm craving pumpkin cupcakes and turkey pie. NomNomNom
• The 2 above points mean that there will probably be extra treats, I'll twitter about anything that needs a home. ;)
• I've picked up a couple of new commenters, there is a man from Indonesia with an interesting take on our election. I don't know about you, but I think it's interesting to see what bloggers from other countries think about our government. Check it out if you are so inclined. ;)
  

Ok, I know I haven't been very forthcoming with the whole internet dating thing, but the truth is, there haven't been any crazy stories to tell. The few guys I've gone on dates with have all been perfectly nice, not a weird one in the bunch. Even the guys I've emailed have been nice and interesting. I'm telling you, there are a surprising number of guys in St. Louis looking for dates online, whether they are tired of the bar scene or just shy. I've tried to keep everything friendly until I could wrap my mind around the whole idea of dating someone again. Not because I'm afraid of getting hurt, but because it is just in my nature to sort of step back, observe, weigh and measure until I've figured out what I'd like to have happen. I've been stuck in this holding pattern of being by myself and thinking only of myself for so long, the entire life on this blog, actually. I thought of the whole match.com thing as a lark, I REALLY did not think anything would come of it. REALLY. So, I've been completely blindsided to meet someone I like, who seems to like me back. I won't say any more than that, cause I don't want to jinx it, but I just wanted y'all to know that the whole thing is going well.

I had a date tonight and came home with my head all in the clouds and went to go lay down with a book when it occurred to me that I hadn't seen my cat since I came home. Yes, I locked her out on the balcony, again. le sigh She was not pleased. ;) Here's a photo of her I took a few days ago, wearing one of those buff things they wear on Survivor.

I still like the kitchen idea and was going to write about it this week, but something sort of fell into my lap.

You may remember that I talked about deciding to date again when I got back from San Francisco. Well, one night when I was sitting in front of the computer unable to sleep, I decided to be a little more proactive than asking my work friends if they have any available brothers and signed up for Match.com. And then, of course my browser froze halfway through writing my profile. Ugh! Talking about myself! So hard!! Wait.. ;)

Sooo, I forgot about it for awhile and then I went out with my friend J Saturday night to a local bar and whew! The pickins' they are slim!! Ok, there was one cute guy but then when I was walking out to my car he said something really inappropriate about a part of my anatomy that I won't be repeating here. And, really, it's not like I'm that picky, attraction and some mutual interests, that's it. I'm not a high maintenance kind of girl and I don't like the high maintenance Abercrombie sort of guy. So, yeah, I was sort of disappointed in my options. And I decided to give Match a real try, thinking, frankly, that little would come of it. I finished the profile and uploaded a picture before going to bed last night.

And then when I logged on to Hotmail today, I had 4 emails. Wha? Then, of course, I panic, because Ahhh! what am I supposed to do with THIS!? A couple of guys I found interesting and emailed them back, now we just wait to see what happens. Fascinating, isn't it? ;)

My biggest problem is I'm not sure what the etiquette is here, do you email back everyone who contacts you, or just the ones you are interested in from looking at their profile? And then, how do you choose which profiles to be interested in? I mean, I'm the girl who dated the guy who didn't know he was gay and who's last boyfriend wanted to get married then panicked and is now dating a 22 year old because there's no future in it!! I really know how to pick em, is what I'm saying. ;) (hmm, may have forgotten to tell you about that one)

I did put on the profile that I write on the internet, though not where, but, really, if they're interested I won't be hard to find. I did want them to know that up front, because though I won't be talking any specifics here, I'm sure there will be plenty of blog fodder to be had and I wouldn't want anyone to be blindsided if I mention our date. ;) I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about cuz dating is a crap shoot, and sure to be humorous where I'm concerned. Stay tuned to watch the drama unfold!! lol

 

A couple of small things before I wrap this up...my other best friend, Sarah, got a big promotion tonight, I just wanted to congratulate her....and please join me this weekend here, the St. Louis Interactive Conference. The St. Louis Bloggers Guild put this together and I'm really excited. If you are a St. Louis blogger or just a local music lover, please come. It's $15 for the whole event and should be tons of fun!

I went to a community college near my hometown. I graduated with an Associates Degree and was supposed to go to Eastern Illinois University. I can't remember what happened exactly, though if I had to guess, I would say that there was a paper I forgot to fill out, I'm notorious for that sort of thing, but I couldn't go to Eastern, because their education program was full and I would have to wait a semester before I could go. My mom was not at all thrilled and she said that I was going to Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville. I can point to that one decision for changing the course of my life. I can tell you where I would be now if I had waited the semester and gone to Eastern. I would probably be married to my high school sweetheart, the first great love of my life. I would also be absolutely. fucking. MISERABLE. I would already be a teacher for 6 years, but I would probably be contemplating divorce and have children. I would have the life I thought I wanted but I would be unhappy. I was already unhappy and dissatisfied with my choices, I just didn't know it yet. If I had stayed at Eastern, I would have never met my 2 best friends, Dan and Sarah, or my second great love, J. I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I wouldn't have had any reason to explore myself and discover my love for fashion or photography. I would still be the girl who had never had her own room or her own apartment. I would have never lived, not really. One choice and it completely changed the direction of my life. Thank God.

 

(And, thank you, R, for breaking up with me and allowing me to be free to discover myself and what I want out of my life. I'm still figuring that out but I'm also honestly enjoying the journey. I don't regret either our relationship or it's end.)

Can you point to any one decision, either one you made or one that was made for you that changed the course of your life? Share in the comments!

This is Dan. He is currently in Afghanistan. He's deployed with the Army to...do

something, I'm sure. (He told me about it but there were acronyms involved and I can never remember that shit.) He's also a giant pain in the ass. By giant, I mean he's really tall. And by pain in the ass I mean...he's a pain in the ass. A lovable ass, but still....

You may be wondering right now what Dan has to do with Naked Mondays. That is a very good question and here's the answer. I don't talk about relationships, but I had a wild hair last week and decided to start. The Naked part comes in when you consider HOW we became best friends.

Dan and I dated for a bit. Well, ok, we started out with a friends with benefits arrangement and when he pushed for more, I went along with it rather than run the other direction, which is my normal M.O. He was home from basic training and spent most of his weekends holed up with me in my apartment where he marveled at my ability to wander around naked without a care. (Heh. I'm like Redneck Mommy in that.) I was surprised. I mean he lived with a girl for a few months. I'm not alone there, right? Help me out ladies! When we weren't making fun of each other, we went to the zoo and drove to his hometown of Chicago for the weekend. (He only complained a little when I conned him into spending an afternoon at IKEA.)

But. Anyway, it didn't take long before I realized I had made a mistake and we were better off as friends. Lucky for me, he agreed and after a little time for adjustment and getting drunk together at his brother's wedding, we've been best friends ever since. I can tell this guy ANYTHING, and pretty much have. He's seen me at my absolute worst, held my hand while I ugly cried, and even took care of me when I was sick. I helped him build up his confidence after it had been smothered by a girl, held his hand as he struggled with big decisions and told him point blank when he was being an ass. He's my best friend. The ass.

He would want me to tell you that he's quite the lady's man, but he's married to the love of his life and it tickles me to see him so happy. He would also want you to know that he's proud of the work he is doing, but he's really looking forward to being home again. He'll be home next month sometime for mid-tour leave and I can't wait to see him safe, at least for a little while.

So there I am, Naked. Well, at least my relationships are laid out for the internets to see. ;)