Under the Arch

I am a puzzle solver. I want to know the answers and I can wait, but I prefer right now, please. I keep word finds in my purse and in various places in my apartment for those times when a quiet moment would bring your mind around to the things that you'd rather not think about right now, thanks. (By the way, is anyone else bothered by finding words in a word find that aren't on the list? Do they do that on purpose just to make my head explode? No one else finds this bothersome? Really?)

I am the go-to girl for advice at work with everything from how to tell if a boy likes you (remember, I work in retail, half of these girls are practically babies) to what to do if you are making out with a guy and he starts masturbating in front of you. (I swear, this was a real concern. I told her my first thought would be awesome, now I don't have to do it.) Half of the time, I wonder why anyone would possibly want me to tell them what to do and the other half I figure it's my lot in life and maybe I should just surrender and do it for a living. (Anyone want to pay me to give them advice? MY life is sort of a mess, but I can fix yours. lol) I am never happier than with a problem to solve, preferably someone ELSE'S problem.

Meanwhile, there's this guy that sort of popped back into my life, and I have no idea what to do with him. I don't know why, but he sort of intimidates me, which makes me the quiet standoffish version of myself. I can't even explain to you how annoying I find that. I can't seem to stop myself, though. I'm mysterious girl around him, and I'm beginning to think that he reacts by being equally mysterious. Which, of course, is even more annoying. lol Oy, here's hoping that I can figure him out soon and stop turning the problem of him around and around in my head. I'm a puzzle solver, you know I can't stand it to have a problem I can't solve. ;)

Erica, please stop humping the ladder, you're freaking me out!

You realize, of course, from now on you'll be known as the rug doctor.

Seriously, Erica, stop humping things!

Are you drunk?

We can't take her to the club, look at her!! A couple of drinks, she'll be taking her clothes off.

That's no big deal, hell, if I get drunk enough I do too. I'm all "Look at my penis!!"

I'm all right, I'm just over here plotting the easiest way to kill myself, no biggie.

I ran into my friend Jessica tonight, which is why it's midnight and I'm just now baking my desserts to take to Thanksgiving dinner. We spent a ridiculous amount of time talking at Noodles and catching up on what had been happening in each others' lives.

She's been dating too and I wish I wrote down how she phrased her relationship status, cuz it had something to do with Facebook. She did say that Facebook was going to be her downfall. (Sound familiar, MP? ;>)

At one point, we were comparing the size of our clothing collections....

Me: Did I tell you about the time when I did a bunch of laundry and had to buy more hangers? I didn't even FINISH my laundry.

Her: You win.

Me: Is it bad that the idea of getting serious with someone means that I'll have to share a closet?

Her: What if he complains about how many pairs of shoes I have?

Me: It's like my worst nightmare!

Her: We are so sad.

Me: Yeah. Probably.


(I hope I don't have to explain that we were joking. Mostly.)

So, as anyone with any sort of customer service experience knows, you are required to ask every customer how they are doing. For the most part, unless it DIRECTLY has to do with your job, you don't care, no matter how nice of a person you are. It's just something you say, to be polite, over and over and over and over again until you forget that sometimes, people think you're serious. This happened to me the other day and it is too delicious not to share.

I was having one of my usual days of boring monotony of "Hello, theres" and "How are you todays" when a young girl brought a long sleeved t-shirt to my register and in response to my only trying to be polite and fulfill my duties question replied, "Not so good, really, my boyfriend cheated on me last night." I, of course, snorted out a laugh. When I had myself under control again, I asked her if she was for real, or if she was just messing with me cuz I'm sensitive like that. ;) She assured me that she was for real, and actually her friend and her were both cheated on, on the same night. They were buying the t-shirts to decorate for school the next day with the words, "No, it is not OK!" lol

I assured myself that the boyfriends were now ex-boyfriends and wished them a better day today than yesterday.

"Oh! And may they both be hit by a bus!!"

(Well, at least I gave them a laugh. lol)

I almost hesitate to write this, but it's funny, sooo I was talking on the phone with my friend, Sarah and we were just chatting about normal stuff, work, my date the night before when suddenly she said:

"I can hear you smiling. Did you do something slutty?"

"Um. Yes."

"Yay, you! You totally deserve it."

And then I died. You can die from blushing, right?