Naked Mondays # 12 Getting Inked

This Naked Monday, I thought I would go back to where the Naked posts started. I need a little break from baring my soul and thought I would bare a bit of my body. Sorry, no naughty bits. I'm talking about tattoos today. Mine and others'. (especially if I have a photo or know where to find it) Here we go, let's get naked! First up is mine....

This is him, from the vantage point that I see him every day. And every day, he makes me smile. (yes, I think of my tattoo as a him. I don't know.)

This is my friend Dan's tattoo to honor his hometown of Chicago. He's a Bears fan. I don't know. Weirdo.

This is an old friend's arm, covered in tattoos. I took this one while sitting at Denny's one night.


This is Kelly's Daughter, Mallory's tattoo. It says "life is but a dream". There is an adorable story involved, but my favorite part is that the tattoo is in Kelly's handwriting and honors a memory that the two of them share.

Some of my favorite bloggers also have tattoos.

Click here to see Oh My Stinkin Heck's tattoo on Flickr.

Redneck Mommy is a fan of tattoos. She was kind enough to comment when I got mine.

Try searching for tattoo on Flickr...it's interesting...and a little scary. (watch out, nudity ahead..not mine! sicko.)

So, I have a question for you....do you have a tattoo? Or always wanted one? Are afraid of getting one? Discuss.

So, there I am Naked, at least a small part of me.

(and him, and him, oh, and her)

So, I had this idea.....

I still didn't have any photos or art for my kitchen and I thought...why don't I go to Soulard and take pictures of produce, see what I can come up with? So, I did. Wanna see? Why, of course you do! :) These are my favorites, all the photos I took today are also on Flickr.

"What's she doing here?" "I carried a watermelon."

Caliente

One pineapple, two pineapple, three

Apple a day

Kissing Cousins

I a-pear to be green with envy

You say tomato, I say tomahto, but I still won't eat them

Cabbage Patch, no kid

Hi-Ho Cherry-o

One More Thing Because It's Not Like I Need Sleep or Anything

I was talking with someone at work today and the conversation went something like this....

Her, talking to someone else: Was it Darrell?

Me: And his brother, Darrell?

Her: Ha! I know! That will never stop being funny to me.

Me: I was talking to someone one day and they said something about their cousin Darrell and I said "And your other cousin, Darrell?", but they just stared at me blankly!

Her: How can you not get the joke?

Me: Exactly! Did you not SEE television as a child?! Come on, people, it's comic GENIUS!

How to Make a Shoplifter Scream Obscenities at You in 12 Easy Steps

Step one: Notice your manager calling your name from the register.

Step Two: Use your woman powers to read her facial movements pointing you in the direction of potential shoplifters.

Step Three: Ask potential shoplifters if they are finding everything okay and if they need any help.

Step Four: Smile pleasantly at their, "No, thank yous" and busy yourself straightening messy clothes racks nearby.

Step Five: When they stare at you, seeming more interested in your presence than the clothes in front of them, continue to smile blankly and attempt to look busy and overwhelmed. (This should not be difficult.)

Step Six: As they wander aimlessly about the front section of the store, growing more and more uncomfortable, pull mislaid items from clothes racks and mutter to yourself about "filthy customers" and "not your fucking mother". Stay within 5-10 feet of suspected shoplifters at all times, mostly for your own amusement.

Step Seven: Listen as one of the women answers her phone and tells person on the other end about the "fucking bitch" who is following her around the store and all she wants is a long sleeved t-shirt, but she can't find one and the "fucking bitch" won't leave her alone.

Step Eight: Start to feel embarrassed, but realize that backing off won't do any good at this point and refuse to give her the satisfaction.

Step Nine: Watch as woman goes to register and throws tantrum that would shame a three year old, alerting entire store to drama.

Step Ten: Smile pleasantly as woman approaches you and demands your name. Give it to her and try not to laugh in her face.

Step Eleven: Watch as she stomps dramatically from the store in self-righteous rage, raise arms in the air and say, "That's right, I rawk!!"

Before anyone reads this and gets huffy, she and her friend were caught last week trying to forcibly remove a security tag from a shirt. After her dramatic exit, we were informed that she has actually been banned from the mall altogether. Had we known, we could have charged her with trespassing. She was not legally supposed to even be there. But, yeah, I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile, if she were to be stupid enough to call corporate and complain about me or "file a comment" as she put it, I would probably get a bonus for a job well done.

Hot Gay Kisses (or how Greys' Anatomy prompted me to once again bare my soul to the internets)

I can't wait to see the Google searches that find this post. Hee.

I love that TV is back to normal and how great is it that Grey's and LOST are on the same night? Grey's is back to the amazing show it was at the beginning and I have a confession to make.

The kiss between the two soldiers was desperate and passionate and full of pain and fear. It felt very real, which is not the norm between actors, at least I don't think so. Also, it was HOT. Full on HAWT. ;) I bring this up, because it started me thinking about a "quirk" of my personality that can give me trouble in public, one that I often hide from others. (How many of these little quirks do I have, you ask? I'm only getting started.)


If you knew me in "real" life, you would probably know that I have a small problem watching movies with comedy based on the embarrassment of the characters. If you and I are close you would know that it goes much deeper than that. I have a hard time watching other people express emotion, whether it's in real life or on the magic box we call television. I can't watch others cry without crying. I get terribly angry at fictional injustice. But, I have the biggest problem with embarrassment. (my friend Sarah is reading this right now and nodding her head emphatically) This little quirk has grown to a full blown phobia in the last few years. What used to make me vaguely uncomfortable, now makes me almost physically ill. Yeah. am. FREAK.

I first realized that I had a problem when I would change the channel away from or fast forward through Friends when one of the characters was about to do something stupid (Joey) or feel really embarrassed because of something they had done (usually Ross). This was fine when I was alone but when I was watching with my boyfriend, it was all I could do not to snatch the remote right out of his hands. PLEASE! for the LOVE OF GAWD! Don't make me SEE this!!!! Then, one day he caught me fast forwarding and I had to confess.

I CAN'T WATCH THE EMBARRASSMENT!!! And I do mean CAN'T. Can not. Can't (getting the picture?) My heart starts to race, my face gets hot, I scrunch down in my seat and cover my face, cringing until it's over. I'd much rather fast forward or change the channel. Unfortunately, that is not really an option every time. So what do I do? I avoid. I won't see a movie in the theater that I think is full of humor brought on by embarrassment. (Dumb and Dumber, She's the Man, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) If enough people tell me how good a movie is, I'll rent it and watch BY MYSELF to save others from the crazy. I avoid sitcoms for the most part. (That's right, I've never seen The Office other than bits and pieces that made it obvious that this show is NOT FOR ME. Great for others, NOT FOR ME.)

The problem with my little "problem" is that it is so hard to explain WHY it is a problem at all. I don't KNOW why I can't watch others be embarrassed. I don't KNOW why it has gotten worse over time rather than better. I don't KNOW where it came from. I KNOW it's not logical. I KNOW it's funny to others. I UNDERSTAND why my friends make fun of me about it. It's annoying as HELL. But. It's me. That is all.

Naked Mondays #11 My Hair Over the Years

It took me forever to figure out what to talk about this week and I finally settled on my hair. Sorting through old pictures to show you was fun and I found some that I had forgotten about. Scanning, cropping, editing.....it takes a ton of time, but it was worth it in the end. We'll go chronologically beginning with this pic of me and my Dad.....

I'm not happy about the 'stache

I put this one in 'cause that expression is priceless! Still blond.



6th Grade Christmas Play
Perm!!! The blond went away after the first big cut.


Senior Pictures
Grew my hair out for 4 years here
Pretty sure sun-in was responsible for the color


Senior Prom
the first and last time I had my hair curled like a barbie doll

Yes I wore this shirt and I still own it
I can't figure out when this was...at least a year after high school


19, I think
I wrote, produced, and directed a play for 6th graders. I have no idea how I thought I could do this, who let me, and how I pulled it off.
This is darker than my natural color, I dyed it black at some point.
the curl is all me



A couple of years after high school
21? 22?
It was taken in my best friend's dorm room at Murray University


I'm sure my boyfriend at the time said some smart ass thing, because I'm threatening him with a fabric cutter. That sucker is sharp.


The shortest my hair has been..I hated this cut at the time, but I kind of like it now.


It was BRIGHT red for a while and then I bleached it. Then, it was orange. This is how I feel about it.


with professional help...the hair kind anyway
holding my nephew, Hayden
a month ago

I'm back to brown again and growing it out again...hair is...well, it grows..it changes....we shape it or it shapes us...it's hard to tell some days. ;) So there I am...Naked..at least a small part of me.

Exsqueeze Me? Baking Powder?

So...my female issues this week have given me a sense of unreasonable anger that I have been taking out on everyone around me. (I apologized to my co-workers ahead of time just in case, it was that. bad.)

I decided to take a walk to return a movie to the redbox tonight and I asked my friend if she would stay on the phone with me as I walked since, well, I don't live in the best neighborhood.

The walk was uneventful until I was almost back to my building and I walked past a truck idling on the curb. I was trying to avoid eye contact, cuz that what I do, when the guy sitting in the truck said, "Hey", so to be polite I said, "Hey" back.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED PEOPLE!!!!

I kept walking and heard him say, "You working tonight?", but since that didn't make any sense to be said to me, I figured he was talking to someone else. But he repeated himself. "You working tonight?" I literally looked down at myself to make sure I was still wearing the outfit I put on earlier. "Uh, no. I just walked to the grocery store and back." He couldn't hear me over the truck and I had to repeat myself a couple of times until he said, "Oh, well I thought you were working." "Well, I'm not." And I hurried a little faster, incensed and muttering to my friend. What the fuck? Who says that? How could you possibly look at what I'm wearing and think hooker? Was that a come on? What was I supposed to do, simper and assure him that I may look expensive, but I'm just easy? (Are you seeing why I had to apologize to co-workers?) I told my friend that it was a good thing I had been on the phone with her, I probably would have shot my mouth off and gotten kidnapped or worse. I took a picture. Oh YES I DID! So be brutally honest...do I look like a hooker to you?



This was almost immediately after getting back to my apartment. Sorry it's a little blurry, but I was still pissed.