Under the Arch

I had a bad feeling in the middle of the afternoon, but shook it off as pms induced paranoia. When I returned home, however, there were no meows at the door that demanded attention, and no curious creature came when I called. Hello, panic.

My cat is an escape artist. She regularly demands the freedom of my balcony for the stalking of birdies and lording her magnificence over the neighbors. Though I usually keep the screen door to the balcony securely latched, I must have , in my hurry to get out the door that day, forgotten to check it, and my curious and quite fearless kitty pushed it open so that she could sun herself.

As clever as she thinks she is, returning to the safety of the apartment is not something she has mastered. (There is nothing funnier than a quiet “mew” and a lone feline leg streeeetching through the crack left by a partially open door that won’t quite open wide enough for said cat’s head.) So, I can imagine the hours stretched on as I refused to return to open the stubborn door that came between her and her food bowl, and the mounting frustration as no one came to her rescue. What I’m NOT sure of, is how she managed to get down from a second story balcony with nothing more to show for it than a scratch on her nose.

After a fruitless search of the immediate neighborhood, and questioning of two neighbors too drunk to remember the conversation later, my housemate spotted her crouched in some brush in the backyard, which I had to crawl into and drag her back out. An hour later, we were still ignoring each other, both steamed at the worry we had caused each other.

Damn cat.

Since you heard from me last, I’ve moved in to the new apartment, bought a new computer…now if I could just find my lightroom software. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I’ve been doing mostly, experimenting with my camera…this lovely lady popped up in my backyard. I love extreme close-ups. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Will, my best friend/housemate. He would KILL me if he knew I posted this, so it of course gives me great pleasure to know that he doesn’t read my blog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This little guy flirted shamelessly with me for most of a baseball game I went to with my friend, Johnna.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know what this is, a plant of some sort that caught my eye at the zoo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fence around Missouri Botanical Gardens… which reminds me.

 

List of all the places around St. Louis that I HAVE to visit this summer

1. Botanical Gardens
2. City Museum
3. Meramec Caverns
4. some sort of floating, canoeing campground
5. Sculpture park that I can’t remember the name of
6. Six Flags
7. Art Museum
8. History Museum

Hi! I've been busy but I'm getting closer to normal and quiet. (yay!) I'm officially moving this weekend, so I'm pretty much covered in paint in my free time. I took a couple of photos the other night of my progress and am sharing with you now. (Don't you feel special?)

 

 

As you can see, I kind of have a thing for color. ;)

 

This one is from the opposite direction so you can see the far wall. No, it's not black, that is chalkboard paint, which I am unbelievably excited about. By the time I'm done, the walls through the apartment with be blue, pink, yellow, and green. ;) More coming soon!

In the same night we found a doctorate of bats, Will and I also met a man we called "mysterious man" who was flitting about the bar, wearing a fabulous hat. We did eventually pin him down to ask about the hat and talked for a while about hats and Frank Sinatra. He invited us to another bar this week for karaoke. I love making new friends.

Some of the night is rather fuzzy, but I remember taking off my shoes several times, and I think I may have asked Will to hold them for me, poor man. On or off, they got many compliments. Here they are, on one of my favorite sites for shoes.

I met a volleyball player from New Jersey, with the accent and all. He was also an excellent dancer. He insisted that I MUST see New York, which then , of course turned into me giggling over Will and I living in New York ala "Will and Grace". This is the ridiculous stuff that pops into my head, people.

Anyway, a great time was had by all and I'm looking forward to many more nights dancing my ass off there.

 

Other things I've been up to...knitting. I'm in the middle of 3 projects, cuz it's next to impossible for me to just work on one at a time....a sleeveless shell, a hat, and arm warmers.

I watched last week's LOST on saturday (I know, I know, I was busy) and HELLO this season is screwed up! Ben kills Locke and makes it look like a suicide?! And then Locke comes back to life?! Then the other plane crashes on the island?! WHA?! Can't wait to see what happens next....

So, it's been an interesting week. I was contacted by an old friend out of the blue early last week. (friend? man that I briefly dated? friend? not really sure on that one)   He was the first match.com date that I, you know, dated, so I was hardly surprised that he just wanted to be friends after 3 weeks. What a difference a few months make, I had no idea what I was doing and I'm sure I confused the crap out of the poor guy, I was impossible to read. He wants to hang out again, which is nice, since he lives within walking distance. The timing is fortunate, spending time with him wouldn't have been possible even a week ago due to the ex-boyfriend's jealousy issues.

I was up for something Wednesday night, but he was studying for his boards, so I called my friend Johnna to see if she wanted to go to the bar. She did, of course, and we drowned our mutual annoyance with the men in our lives in cherry bombs, tequila sunrises, and laughter. I woke up the next morning feeling more positive about the state of the world, but not the state of my head. So, Thursday was hangover day, and other than a trip outside to have lunch at a little place called Biggies which oh my god, has an excellent burger, I spent most of the day in bed.

Friday, I was sure that I was going to stay home...but then my new friend Will called to ask me if I wanted to go dancing. And I have a weakness for dancing. We went to Novaks, which is one of the bars on Manchester in south city and danced our little hearts out.

Will and I have this running joke about doctors and how the only way I'll ever be able to afford these Chanel shoes we both covet will be by sleeping with a rich man who will buy me presents. Now, this is a JOKE, mind you, I would never sleep with someone in order to coerce expensive shoes from them. That would, of course, be wrong. Ahem.

Aaaanyway, we were trying to pick out a doctor in the crowd, and one guy in particular was eying me and attempting to work up the courage to come over and talk to me when Will got in his head that this guy must be a doctor. I said there was no possible way that a doctor would come to a bar trolling for women dressed like that. We bet a shot on it and I...went to the dance floor, but I can't remember why at the moment. The tequila insisted that I shake my ass, I guess. Will found me a couple of minutes later triumphant.

"He's a doctor! I TOLD you!"

"What the hell is he a doctor of, exactly?"

"Bats!"

"That doesn't count! Has to be a MEDICAL doctor! No shot for you!"

Poor guy, he must have been so confused.

I'm going to leave you with this much of my weekend cuz I'm going to bed now, but there's more to come....

You may have noticed my lack of writing lately. I have some serious writer's block, it's just as annoying for me as it is for you. Since I can't seem to write in a narrative way, I'm just going to do a stream of consciousness thing today and we're all just going to have to deal. Hopefully soon, I'll figure out how to write while twitterpated.

The thing is, I'm like any other girl in the beginning of a relationship. All I want to talk about is the relationship. And no one wants to hear about how sweet he is or how much fun I'm having. Frankly, all the sighing and grinning at nothing is making ME want to throw up. I'm really overwhelmed, because this last match.com match-up has moved along rather fast in the emotion department. It makes me nervous, but I'm not shutting down or wanting to run so I'm looking at this as personal growth no matter how the relationship turns out.

I went with my friend Jessica to see a show at the Pageant last week and had a great time, but I've discovered that I am not meant for mosh pits. The show was a guy, a DJ, I guess who called himself Girl Talk, which was a giant dance party of sorts. My friend wanted to get up on stage to dance, unfortunately, so did every other underage idiot in the place. (My friend is not an idiot, she's a brilliant writer who asked me the other day if she could write a book about me one day. Why she would want to write a book about me is beyond my comprehension, but I'm sure if she wrote it, it would be amazing.) Anyway, the floor near the stage suddenly resembled a cattle chute and it was all I could do to keep upright. Madness ensued and I was seriously pissed off, elbowing anyone who dared to shove me and pulling a girl out from under the trampling herd when she reached down by my feet to get her cell phone. Other than a wrenched knee, I was fine, but I've discovered I'm too old for that sort of insanity and I'll go back to the sort of concerts I usually enjoy, which are generally more adult. After it calmed down a little and the crowd realized that security wouldn't allow anymore people on the stage, we had a little room to maneuver and Jess and I danced until I couldn't breathe, occasionally shaking my head at the combination of music. (He mixed Kelly Clarkson and Nine Inch Nails together, then Journey and Lil Wayne, or vice-versa, I can't remember now. Reading this, you would think it was awful, but it wasn't.)

The new guy, S, took me to dinner and a movie Friday night, we went to see Clint Eastwood's new movie, Gran Torino. It was really good. Sunday was spent at his place watching football. (I know, I actually watched football on tv, on purpose. Granted, I had a Glamour magazine in my lap, but still, football.) And I had fun. We ate pizza and watched football and I had a great time. Twitterpated. It's the only explanation.

Oh, and the new camera is a Nikon D40. Photos coming soon, I promise.

It's so funny to me to say that phrase. All the silly adolescent fantasies of the rock and roll boyfriend that now make me roll my eyes with embarrassment. It's ridiculous the things we think are cool way back when. Now, when I actually get to say it out loud, I felt like an idiot. ;) I was sitting on a barstool and a guy asked me what I was doing there, alone in a bar and out it came. "I'm with the band." Inside my head, I'm giggling as I explain to total strangers why that is so funny to me. Then, of course, I'm trying to quietly and unobtrusively listen to the music, when the band raises their glasses to toast my Saturday off work. As the room's eyes switch to me (ok, so maybe it only felt like it) I'm sure my face turned ten shades of red. (Thanks guys!) As I listened to music and sipped my spiked cider, I was also wishing I had an ink pen, for I was once again itching to record my surroundings here, in this place. ;)

There was the couple to my right, who lived next door and were shocked to see a man taking photos of two very naked women in another apartment across the street. Apparently, they stumbled onto porn production in our fair city. If that wasn't enough, a guy at the table to my left was shouting about republicans in strip clubs. (Nope. No idea what that was about.)

I dedicated my Saturday to being as lazy as humanly possible with T. (The guy with the cute dog now has a letter, he's moving up in the world. lol) We watched TV and cooked dinner and....that's pretty much it. I succeeded at my goal. ;) Oh, I did finish a new hat that I was knitting, so, you know, there's that. lol

Sunday, I spent chasing down a pair of shoes I wanted and making the changes you can see here. I'm still working out the bugs and fitting in all the bits of things I had before, bear with me, even starting with a ready made template I still made changes that I had to figure out as I went. Which means, I was working on it all afternoon and evening and I'm still not satisfied. There's an "about me" that's new and I updated the Naked Monday page to include all the posts.

Ok, that's all for now, I have work in the morning and should already be in bed. ;)

Like I said before, I was invited to a costume house party by a couple that I knew vaguely from the bar I visit occasionally. I wasn't sure that there would be anyone there that I knew at the party other than the hosts, nor did I know how big the party would be. (Would I be standing around trying to look comfortable with the fact that no one was talking to me? These are the things that I think about.) I had another engagement later that I didn't want to show up too early for, because I was, again, going alone. (Timing is everything, people! lol) Everything worked out in the end, I called just before leaving my apartment to get directions, (right down the street! Score!) the party ended up being smaller than I expected and filled with interesting people to chat with, though at one point, I thought about telling one guy that just because I expressed interest in his costume did not mean that I was flirting with him. (It's just friendly conversation dude! Chill!) But, all in all, I had a great time and I was actually bummed to leave. I made my goodbyes and thank yous and headed downtown for my next stop...which I've run out of time to write about. ;)

to be continued and stuff

My left boob is very proud. ;)

I went to my polling place this afternoon after waking up (I was at work last night until 3:30am) and managed to time my arrival just right. Though the women manning the lists told me there had been lines out to the parking lot off and on all day, I was able to walk right in and cast my vote. It's kind of silly, but I was sort of disappointed that my mp3 player, novel, and bottled drink weren't necessary. ;) I'm off to work again for another late night, but I hope everyone had as easy an experience as I did, or at least if you had to wait in line, you were as prepared. ;)

• I've been seeing a guy with a dog (a different guy than from before, I sort of didn't mention that, huh?) The dog is adorable, but my cat has been PISSED at me and has done little more than grumble or mew pitifully at me for days. She finally seems to have gotten over it and let me rub her ears tonight. ;)
• I ordered groceries from Schnucks' delivery service. We could pretend that I don't have time for grocery shopping, but really, I just hate it and a $5 delivery charge is worth the reduced aggravation. I'm willing to give it a try anyway, consider me your guinea pig. ;)
• The holiday season is upon us, bringing with it all the stress, but also all the yummy FOOD! I was skimming my newest issue of Woman's Day (Do you have magazines showing up in your mailbox that you never actually subscribed for? No? Just me?) and tearing out recipes that I have to try and now I'm craving pumpkin cupcakes and turkey pie. NomNomNom
• The 2 above points mean that there will probably be extra treats, I'll twitter about anything that needs a home. ;)
• I've picked up a couple of new commenters, there is a man from Indonesia with an interesting take on our election. I don't know about you, but I think it's interesting to see what bloggers from other countries think about our government. Check it out if you are so inclined. ;)
  

I made a little trip to the east side (Illinois for all of those following along at home) Tuesday night to meet some friends for dinner and trade cars with my parents who were about to go on a trip and needed their minivan back. After crossing the Mississippi into Illinois you have to pick a highway to follow, either I64 or I55/I70. Since my normal route to Edwardsville, IL to hang out with friends means I take the I55/I70 way, I wasn't paying as close of attention as I should have and automatically went that way, even though I needed to take I64 to Fairview Heights. (I know this is terribly boring, but there is a point to this, I promise.) Realizing immediately that I was going the wrong direction, I got off the highway at the next available exit and followed signs to get me to the right highway...which of course took me through East St. Louis (duh duh duuuuh!). Now, I'm not scerred and, frankly, I've spent time hanging out in East St. Louis back when I was living with a photographer who paid the bills working at the Casino Queen, but this was a detour I'll never forget cause what I saw there will be burned into my mind for all time and not in a good way. I was coming up on a stop sign and I could see the truck in front of me swerve to avoid hitting what looked like a woman running down the middle of the road. I was of course concerned until I got a little closer and could see her more clearly...."Oh my god, is she NAKED?!" Yep. Wearing shoes and a bright white bra and NOTHING else!! Other than making sure I didn't hit her I tried very hard not to see anything else because OH MY GOD THERE IS A NAKED WOMAN RUNNING!! RUNNING DOWN THE ROAD AND SHE IS NAKED!! AND WHAT I CAN SEE IS JIGGLING ABOUT AND MY EYES!! I have no idea what she was doing or why she was naked and I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Whew! But Then!!!
Last night at work, a girl walked up the cash counter and asked for an application. This is a regular occurance, and I thought nothing of it until I realized that though I thought she was wearing a tube top over jeans or some other bottoms, she was in fact wearing a tube top as a dress and her bare ass cheeks were hanging out the bottom. Yes. she. DID! I watched in horror as she walked out of the store and hitched up the toddler on her hip at which point I saw entirely too much of her anatomy. I'm telling you, I'm scarred for life. FOR LIFE. She couldn't feel a draft? Did she just forget about pants, or you know, underwear? REALLY? AND THEN YOU ASK FOR AN APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT? I've seen everything now and it just boggles the mind, seriously.

I still like the kitchen idea and was going to write about it this week, but something sort of fell into my lap.

You may remember that I talked about deciding to date again when I got back from San Francisco. Well, one night when I was sitting in front of the computer unable to sleep, I decided to be a little more proactive than asking my work friends if they have any available brothers and signed up for Match.com. And then, of course my browser froze halfway through writing my profile. Ugh! Talking about myself! So hard!! Wait.. ;)

Sooo, I forgot about it for awhile and then I went out with my friend J Saturday night to a local bar and whew! The pickins' they are slim!! Ok, there was one cute guy but then when I was walking out to my car he said something really inappropriate about a part of my anatomy that I won't be repeating here. And, really, it's not like I'm that picky, attraction and some mutual interests, that's it. I'm not a high maintenance kind of girl and I don't like the high maintenance Abercrombie sort of guy. So, yeah, I was sort of disappointed in my options. And I decided to give Match a real try, thinking, frankly, that little would come of it. I finished the profile and uploaded a picture before going to bed last night.

And then when I logged on to Hotmail today, I had 4 emails. Wha? Then, of course, I panic, because Ahhh! what am I supposed to do with THIS!? A couple of guys I found interesting and emailed them back, now we just wait to see what happens. Fascinating, isn't it? ;)

My biggest problem is I'm not sure what the etiquette is here, do you email back everyone who contacts you, or just the ones you are interested in from looking at their profile? And then, how do you choose which profiles to be interested in? I mean, I'm the girl who dated the guy who didn't know he was gay and who's last boyfriend wanted to get married then panicked and is now dating a 22 year old because there's no future in it!! I really know how to pick em, is what I'm saying. ;) (hmm, may have forgotten to tell you about that one)

I did put on the profile that I write on the internet, though not where, but, really, if they're interested I won't be hard to find. I did want them to know that up front, because though I won't be talking any specifics here, I'm sure there will be plenty of blog fodder to be had and I wouldn't want anyone to be blindsided if I mention our date. ;) I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about cuz dating is a crap shoot, and sure to be humorous where I'm concerned. Stay tuned to watch the drama unfold!! lol

 

A couple of small things before I wrap this up...my other best friend, Sarah, got a big promotion tonight, I just wanted to congratulate her....and please join me this weekend here, the St. Louis Interactive Conference. The St. Louis Bloggers Guild put this together and I'm really excited. If you are a St. Louis blogger or just a local music lover, please come. It's $15 for the whole event and should be tons of fun!

Updated below!

(Title is stolen from inspired by something Heather B. said and I think Susan quoted. It's been stuck in my head ever since.)

You may remember my previous rant about this, what I haven't told you is that it happened again...and again...and again. Over and over and over....

It's enough to make anyone lose their shit, seriously. One night, while waiting at the bus stop with a friend from work, a guy on a motorcycle went by THREE TIMES to look me over. At the BUS STOP with OTHER PEOPLE STANDING ABOUT!! Luckily, he didn't say anything, because I've lost all patience with this nonsense and...well, hold on, we'll get to that. My work friend asked me what I was so upset about and so I told her that when I am out walking about, guys assume I'm a hooker and I don't understand why or what to do about it! She looked at me and shook her head sadly, "Oh, sweetie, it's cuz you're white." Wha? "In the city, the only white women walking are hookers or crackheads" "Well that's. just. great!" Wait!! It gets better!!

On another night, we were both standing at the same bus stop again, but near the corner so we could watch for our separate buses. I had my back to traffic and we were talking about something when she said, "Uh, oh. Here we go again." "Don't tell me, they're checking me out" "Uh, huh." And then I heard it. "Hey, baby, need a ride?" Fuck. Boy, were they surprised when I whipped around and said, "NO, I DON'T need a RIDE!!" And then, of course, the guy in the passenger seat tossed out, "Well it's looks like you need a ride since you're waiting for the bus!!" Brilliant come back, buddy. As the light turned green, and they started to pull away, though, my friend had a much better one, "She doesn't need a ride from your ugly ass in the PASSENGER SEAT!!"** I laughed so hard, I was crying. Wait!! It still gets better!!

A couple of nights ago, I was waiting at the bus stop alone and in the 45 minutes I had to sit there, one guy honked at me, another stopped WAY before the intersection so that he could leer at me, another guy walking on the opposite side of the street made kissy noises at me and then not one, but two cars pulled over to the curb where I was sitting, on a bench, in the inclosure that was clearly a bus stop. The first one was a little car with 2 hispanic guys in it. They pulled right up to the curb, stared at me and then HONKED THE HORN!!! Yeah. I was talking on my cell phone, but paused long enough to tell them that I was waiting for a bus and made the shoo motion with my hand, then as they pulled away I shouted, "BY THE WAY I'M NOT A FUCKING WHORE!!!" At this point, I'm thinking, please, enough, I can't take much more of this. But no, the second vehicle, a truck this time pulled up, once again, right to the curb and the hispanic guy inside grinned at me. Once again, I had to tell him I'm waiting for the bus and he grinned some more and chirped, "Ok!" (Yes, chirped.) Yeah, yeah, yeah, go away!! I could tell you more, but really, the whole thing is exhausting and I can't get a car fast enough. Really. My life, ladies and gentlemen. I couldn't make this shit up. ((le sigh))

**Remember that song "No Scrubs" by TLC? I totally get that song now! It's always the asshole in the passenger seat with the worst nonsense to say.

Update: It doesn't seem to have anything to do with me, it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, it just seems to have to do with the part of the city I live in. I look around and see a great mix of people, but maybe I'm the only one, I don't know. There's just something about alone+white+female in my part of the city that says hooker to those that patron that sort of thing. My mom told me a few days ago that I'll be able to borrow a family car soon, so my public transportation days are numbered.

Well, I'm still moving around, just slowly. No Naked Monday this week, sorry. Between working, laundry for BlogHer, and my discomfort, I wasn't inspired to share this week. Next week, though, will be Naked BlogHer! Hee.

I am doing well, no lasting damage to anything but my car. She wasn't much to look at and I guess I can be thankful that at least the car wasn't a great financial loss, just really bad timing. I've never been one of those people who thinks, if I hadn't gone to McDonald's to get a breakfast sandwich and a sweet ice tea, I wouldn't be in this situation. But when I stumbled out of my crumpled car, wearing that sweet tea, it was hard not to, especially as the green light was still staring right at me.

I've never had an accident like this before and I found that it was harder to recover from mentally than physically. I am starting to get my head back on straight, though, and thank god I live in an urban environment with public transportation. A bus and an mp3 player is all I need. ;) I should have a car of some sort next week, if nothing else, it seems I will be borrowing a family vehicle until I figure out a more permanent solution. Right now, I'm dealing with the lovely hassles of insurance companies and towing a car. Here's hoping the bruising on my ribs fades by thursday, cuz laughing, one of my very favorite activities, is painful at the moment. ;)

Thank you everyone, for the well wishes, I appreciate it more than you know. :)

I was in a car accident this morning. Some idiot in a borrowed car without a license or the English to communicate ran a red light, and though I tried to stop, I hit him. I'm fine, bruised but fine. My car, though, she is fucked. Of course, all this happens 4 days before getting on a plane. Fuck. Just fuck. I'm completely exhausted and uncomfortable and fully expect to be wearing nasty bruises from my seat belt to BlogHer. More later, I'm going back to bed.

I had another Naked Monday post up here last night and...well...I hated it. It sucked and I apologize to the 3 of you who read it since I couldn't in all conscience announce it on Twitter. This is the post I should have done all along.

Last week, I went to see Ingrid Michaelson at The Pageant on the Loop. I love the Pageant. I know many people here in St. Louis hate the venue, but I love how it feels like a club and even though the drinks are expensive, the tickets are not and if you pay with cash, they waive the fee that every concert venue charges you for nothing, as far as I can tell. I've been to several shows at the Pageant and they always put on a good show and that's the important thing. I was there with my friend A, who I met through an ex and though we aren't close, I can always count on her for a concert buddy, cause we like similar music and she's always up for a show. We had great fun as usual and she was mesmerized by the opening act. (ok, I'll admit it, his singing voice was pretty sexy and you can hear for yourself on his myspace page here For Ingrid's myspace page go here Check them out, you'll like them. well, I do and taste is of course relative, but I recommend both)

The photos aren't the point of this post, mostly because I took them with my camera phone and camera phone=suck. But just to illustrate the night, here is a pic of Ingrid who was unexpectedly funny in that at one point she yelled into the crowd, "Come on, people, let me feel you up!!!!" The story of how she discovered the Arch had stairs and a museum and a "TRAM!" was hilarious too. What made the night for me was what happened in my head while I listened to her sing.

The girl on the left is the back up singer and, don't laugh, I've always wanted to do this. There's no reason you should know this, but I can sing. Like I used to sing, in front of others, and even competed in high school. Granted, that was...many years ago, but the point is I can sing. I don't have any interest in fame and fortune, I don't want my name in lights, but I think it would be amazing to tour with a band and sing back up. Small ambitions, but ones I never did anything about. Why? Well, I never had the balls. And now I do...have the balls, er, or something. So, I started thinking and I thought, what's stopping me from trying? Nothing really, and did you know that there are bands on craigslist looking for singers? There are!! So, here's what I'm thinking...any of you St. Louis readers up for Karaoke? It's been a while since I sang for anyone but friends and I need the practice before I audition for anything at all. Sound good? Who's with me? ;)

Arriving at work this morning, one of my coworkers, J, was practically doing a pee dance she was so excited. A Cardinals baseball player was going to be at the Cardinals store across the way from us, signing autographs and she was determined to get one. When she came back with two autographs and a picture of him on her cell phone I decided I should get one, too. After all, Father's Day is coming up, right? ;) Brian Barton, the Cardinals left fielder, signed a baseball for my Dad and posed for a picture with me. He was sweet and not all jock-like, if you know what I'm saying. We joked about all my co-workers taking turns getting in line to meet him. It was nice to meet him and I'm pretty sure I didn't make an ass of myself. ;)

A baseball game on wednesday and meeting a player on friday...not a bad week, huh?

I still didn't have any photos or art for my kitchen and I thought...why don't I go to Soulard and take pictures of produce, see what I can come up with? So, I did. Wanna see? Why, of course you do! :) These are my favorites, all the photos I took today are also on Flickr.

Step one: Notice your manager calling your name from the register.

Step Two: Use your woman powers to read her facial movements pointing you in the direction of potential shoplifters.

Step Three: Ask potential shoplifters if they are finding everything okay and if they need any help.

Step Four: Smile pleasantly at their, "No, thank yous" and busy yourself straightening messy clothes racks nearby.

Step Five: When they stare at you, seeming more interested in your presence than the clothes in front of them, continue to smile blankly and attempt to look busy and overwhelmed. (This should not be difficult.)

Step Six: As they wander aimlessly about the front section of the store, growing more and more uncomfortable, pull mislaid items from clothes racks and mutter to yourself about "filthy customers" and "not your fucking mother". Stay within 5-10 feet of suspected shoplifters at all times, mostly for your own amusement.

Step Seven: Listen as one of the women answers her phone and tells person on the other end about the "fucking bitch" who is following her around the store and all she wants is a long sleeved t-shirt, but she can't find one and the "fucking bitch" won't leave her alone.

Step Eight: Start to feel embarrassed, but realize that backing off won't do any good at this point and refuse to give her the satisfaction.

Step Nine: Watch as woman goes to register and throws tantrum that would shame a three year old, alerting entire store to drama.

Step Ten: Smile pleasantly as woman approaches you and demands your name. Give it to her and try not to laugh in her face.

Step Eleven: Watch as she stomps dramatically from the store in self-righteous rage, raise arms in the air and say, "That's right, I rawk!!"

Before anyone reads this and gets huffy, she and her friend were caught last week trying to forcibly remove a security tag from a shirt. After her dramatic exit, we were informed that she has actually been banned from the mall altogether. Had we known, we could have charged her with trespassing. She was not legally supposed to even be there. But, yeah, I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile, if she were to be stupid enough to call corporate and complain about me or "file a comment" as she put it, I would probably get a bonus for a job well done.