Today I Met a Baseball Player...and I'm Pretty Sure I Didn't Make an Ass of Myself

Arriving at work this morning, one of my coworkers, J, was practically doing a pee dance she was so excited. A Cardinals baseball player was going to be at the Cardinals store across the way from us, signing autographs and she was determined to get one. When she came back with two autographs and a picture of him on her cell phone I decided I should get one, too. After all, Father's Day is coming up, right? ;) Brian Barton, the Cardinals left fielder, signed a baseball for my Dad and posed for a picture with me. He was sweet and not all jock-like, if you know what I'm saying. We joked about all my co-workers taking turns getting in line to meet him. It was nice to meet him and I'm pretty sure I didn't make an ass of myself. ;)

A baseball game on wednesday and meeting a player on friday...not a bad week, huh?

So, I had this idea.....

I still didn't have any photos or art for my kitchen and I thought...why don't I go to Soulard and take pictures of produce, see what I can come up with? So, I did. Wanna see? Why, of course you do! :) These are my favorites, all the photos I took today are also on Flickr.

"What's she doing here?" "I carried a watermelon."

Caliente

One pineapple, two pineapple, three

Apple a day

Kissing Cousins

I a-pear to be green with envy

You say tomato, I say tomahto, but I still won't eat them

Cabbage Patch, no kid

Hi-Ho Cherry-o

How to Make a Shoplifter Scream Obscenities at You in 12 Easy Steps

Step one: Notice your manager calling your name from the register.

Step Two: Use your woman powers to read her facial movements pointing you in the direction of potential shoplifters.

Step Three: Ask potential shoplifters if they are finding everything okay and if they need any help.

Step Four: Smile pleasantly at their, "No, thank yous" and busy yourself straightening messy clothes racks nearby.

Step Five: When they stare at you, seeming more interested in your presence than the clothes in front of them, continue to smile blankly and attempt to look busy and overwhelmed. (This should not be difficult.)

Step Six: As they wander aimlessly about the front section of the store, growing more and more uncomfortable, pull mislaid items from clothes racks and mutter to yourself about "filthy customers" and "not your fucking mother". Stay within 5-10 feet of suspected shoplifters at all times, mostly for your own amusement.

Step Seven: Listen as one of the women answers her phone and tells person on the other end about the "fucking bitch" who is following her around the store and all she wants is a long sleeved t-shirt, but she can't find one and the "fucking bitch" won't leave her alone.

Step Eight: Start to feel embarrassed, but realize that backing off won't do any good at this point and refuse to give her the satisfaction.

Step Nine: Watch as woman goes to register and throws tantrum that would shame a three year old, alerting entire store to drama.

Step Ten: Smile pleasantly as woman approaches you and demands your name. Give it to her and try not to laugh in her face.

Step Eleven: Watch as she stomps dramatically from the store in self-righteous rage, raise arms in the air and say, "That's right, I rawk!!"

Before anyone reads this and gets huffy, she and her friend were caught last week trying to forcibly remove a security tag from a shirt. After her dramatic exit, we were informed that she has actually been banned from the mall altogether. Had we known, we could have charged her with trespassing. She was not legally supposed to even be there. But, yeah, I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile, if she were to be stupid enough to call corporate and complain about me or "file a comment" as she put it, I would probably get a bonus for a job well done.

Exsqueeze Me? Baking Powder?

So...my female issues this week have given me a sense of unreasonable anger that I have been taking out on everyone around me. (I apologized to my co-workers ahead of time just in case, it was that. bad.)

I decided to take a walk to return a movie to the redbox tonight and I asked my friend if she would stay on the phone with me as I walked since, well, I don't live in the best neighborhood.

The walk was uneventful until I was almost back to my building and I walked past a truck idling on the curb. I was trying to avoid eye contact, cuz that what I do, when the guy sitting in the truck said, "Hey", so to be polite I said, "Hey" back.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED PEOPLE!!!!

I kept walking and heard him say, "You working tonight?", but since that didn't make any sense to be said to me, I figured he was talking to someone else. But he repeated himself. "You working tonight?" I literally looked down at myself to make sure I was still wearing the outfit I put on earlier. "Uh, no. I just walked to the grocery store and back." He couldn't hear me over the truck and I had to repeat myself a couple of times until he said, "Oh, well I thought you were working." "Well, I'm not." And I hurried a little faster, incensed and muttering to my friend. What the fuck? Who says that? How could you possibly look at what I'm wearing and think hooker? Was that a come on? What was I supposed to do, simper and assure him that I may look expensive, but I'm just easy? (Are you seeing why I had to apologize to co-workers?) I told my friend that it was a good thing I had been on the phone with her, I probably would have shot my mouth off and gotten kidnapped or worse. I took a picture. Oh YES I DID! So be brutally honest...do I look like a hooker to you?



This was almost immediately after getting back to my apartment. Sorry it's a little blurry, but I was still pissed.

My Very Own Episode of 24

I wore a new pair of sandals to work for my shift today. Can we say stupid? And ouch?

So, I was already running late to work today (forgot to eat lunch, had to stop at 7-11 for a soda and a snickers bar. mmm, snickers!) and, of course when I exited the interstate onto Lindbergh, I was unpleased to see bumper to bumper traffic. As I was inching forward, trying to make it the FEET to the mall entrance, firetrucks were shoving their way through to get to Toys R Us, which already had a couple of firetrucks and police cars out front. (Hmm, car fire?) I inched forward and snickered at the morons who kept getting in the way and yelling at the asshat who nearly hit the woman in front of me. I finally noticed the blinking traffic light ahead that was causing the backup (why, yes, I AM observant!)
As I watched, more and more police cars were weaving their way through the intersection, confusing people and running around like chickens with their heads cut off and in the back of my mind I heard the beep. beep. beep. beep. of the opening credits of 24. I wouldn't have been surprised if Keifer Sutherland showed up and commandeered my car (except that it is a piece of shit and not exactly car chase material).
Now I was curious and I noticed more police cars and firetrucks in front of Best Buy and again across the street in front of Macy's. Oh, it's ON now, nobody messes with MY mall, even if I have to call CTU myself, Jack Bauer better get his ass down here and fix it! At this point, I'm half expecting to be turned away from the mall all together, but other than another police car at the entrance I use, trying to look all official, nothing happened and I walked right in.
I sent a twitter about this unusual scene and tried to find out what was going on. No one inside seemed to be concerned and the only sign that anything was happening was the closed doors of Macy's and the darkness inside. I walked up to a man sitting at the cookie stand and asked him what was going on. This is what he said. "Oh, the power went out and they're trying to figure out what happened." W. T. F.??!! A power failure caused all that drama going on outside?! I was expecting a bomb threat or anthrax or something, but power failure?! How does that make any sense?!
Disappointed and suspicious, I went into work and related the depressing tale. And then my cell phone battery died, so I couldn't even tell anyone what I had learned. I still think the whole thing was fishy and I'm willing to bet that Jack was in Macy's torturing a terrorist. Makes more sense than a power failure in three stores that requires the services of half a dozen firetrucks and twice that many police cars. Just saying. ;)

Update!
News story on ksdk.com here....that still makes no sense. Smoke reported at all those stores...on the same street but not really close to each other? Fishy. Just saying.

Apartment Update

If you missed it on the twitter, I called my landlord yesterday to tell him about the ghetto neighbors who have caused me never-ending grief. At 4:30am I was woken up from a dead sleep to hear "You Fucking Bitch!!!" and a thump. Terrified, I laid in my bed, waiting for my heart to stop racing so that I could go back to sleep. It took a while.

I was exhausted all day at work and it took me 3 tries to count down my cash drawer. I was so frustrated, I was nearly in tears. By the time I left, I was done. I wasn't going to just take it anymore. They shouldn't be able to pull this crap without consequences.

I called my landlord before I even started the car and told him how frustrated I was, how often I had been woken up by their nonsense, how I had contemplated calling the police, and why I hadn't. He promised to talk to her and that he would tell her it was next door who had complained about noise. He also said that if it ever happened again, I should call him and if it ever seemed like the fighting was getting out of hand, I should definitely call the police.

When I got home, I talked to the woman who lives in the end apartment (she shares a wall with them) and told her what I had done. Turns out, she called the landlord, too, the very same day! Here's hoping they get kicked out, or at least aren't allowed to renew their lease.

To hear about the crap that they've been pulling, you can read here, and here.

And, now, for the details (or what I can remember through the haze of cocktails)

After being a nervous twit about it for several days (one of my frustrated friends yelled at me over the phone, "Yeesh, it's not a date!!) I left my apartment in a new top and heeled sandals to meet MP at The Chocolate Bar in Lafayette Square. I had looked up the address from the website and studied the map (I have a ridiculous ability to "see" maps. It's weird and I don't know how to explain it, but I was a pizza delivery driver for a while and I rocked at it.), but I neglected to write down the number, so I knew that if I took a certain exit and went down two blocks and turned on Park, it would be there before I hit the park. BUT, for some reason I thought it was on the left, rather than the right, so I passed it and didn't see it. So, I knew I was in the right place, I parked and walked, figuring it would be easier to see on foot. MP called as I was walking and she waved me down from the door. We hugged and giggled, because how else do you greet someone you've been talking to for months but had never actually met in person? ;)

She had already spoken to the staff, who other than giving us a couple of odd looks, were very helpful as people trickled in and struggled to explain the group they were looking for. lol

MP

MP and I decided to get started with the drinking (and yes, I downloaded the menu at home, so I would be able to pick what I was going to order. am. FREAK.) and ordered a couple of chocolate martinis. And, as I said last night, took pictures before we even tasted them. Hee. They were delicious, but we'd barely even started when BOSSY arrived with her host, Tempered Woman.

Bossy

Let me tell you, Bossy really is as gorgeous as she looks online, maybe more. She was so funny and just natural to be around, I would NEVER have been able to do what she has done, travel around meeting strangers every day, I thought I was going have a nervous breakdown and I didn't even have to drive, but for a few miles. We all settled in at a back table on their patio and just chatted like we had all known each other for years.

Over the next few hours, I met Angie from Fluid Pudding, Raquita from WOBL in Training(wise old black woman, how funny is that?!), Heather from Three Boys and Me, MP from My Second Journal, Sonrie from 1017, Jenny from Mommymae (it turns out that Jenny and I went to high school together in Southern Illinois, though we didn't know each other), Kelly from Mocha Momma, her daughter, Mallory, Tempered Woman, and her sister. (I can't remember her name at the moment, she doesn't have a blog and for a while, we were calling her Dooce.)

Everyone but Jenny, who arrived later

Bossy, Mallory, and Kelly

Conversation was fast and furious as we chatted about, I swear, everything under the sun. I found myself telling Heather and Raquita about my clothing woes and at one point, we all talked about my eyebrows, again.

Raquita and Heather

We discussed politics and Barack Oboyfriend, and our encounters with Bill Clinton (three of us had actually met him). We argued about education and the St. Louis city school district. Photography and cameras were dissected and lusted after. Bossy suggested that I look for a used Nikon D70 rather than shelling out for the new D40, and it was like, duh, why didn't I think of that?
Proof that I really did drink a beer, and my only photo of Jenny
(not sure how that happened)

BlogHer was brought up, past sessions, and who was planning on going this year to San Fran. Angie confessed to drinking her breast milk in the hotel room last year in Chicago and we all learned Bossy's middle name! As she put it, her parents were hippies, and that's all I'll reveal. As we all loosened up, (some more than others) I realized that I've made a real connection with a truly amazing group of women that I would never have met without the help of Bossy. THANK YOU, BOSSY!!!!!

Angie, Sonrie, and Tempered Woman's sister

With a short bit about The Chocolate Bar, I'll end this longer than normal post. Yay you, if you've made it this far!!!

Even sitting on the patio with this group of rowdy women, the service was quite good, prompt and attentive. Food and drinks were prettily served and the tables set with candles and flowers felt fancy and lovely.

the table

More expensive than a casual night out would warrant, it's perfect for a special date or birthday celebration. The cheese plates were amazing and the drinks strong, I certainly felt like I got my moneys worth. My only complaint? The bathrooms, while completely charming and nicely appointed, are down a set of steep stairs and the bathrooms are unisex, so not marked with ladies or gentlemen. While it is probably more convenient that way, my inebriated self had the worst time figuring out which door to choose. ;)

My inebriated self in the bathroom mirror

I love this vanity!

To sum up....had a great time....food and drinks were good....company was excellent.

If you haven't already, please visit everyone else's blogs!!!!

My Evening with Bossy

Just a quick post to say that I had so much fun tonight and I couldn't imagine meeting a more amazing group of women! This is my first drink of the night before I even took a sip. MP and I were laughing at each other, because we both grabbed our camera before doing anything else. I will update tomorrow with details and, don't worry, there will be a Naked Monday post as well.

Milk Chocolate Martini (yum!)

Earthquake!!! Earthquake!!!

We (in the southern IL/Eastern MO area) had an earthquake this morning, well, two if you count the aftershock (and, really, why not?). The original was around 4:30AM and the 2nd was a little after 10AM. Nothing really scary, a 5.2 and a 4.5, but pretty interesting for some that are earthquake virgins (as MP so eloquently put it). I had asked a friend to call me this morning to wake me up on her way to school and when I answered, she asked me if I felt the earthquake.

"Oh, that's what that was? I was really confused. I thought maybe a big truck had gone by but knowing the way I am, the whole thing could have been a dream, like the giant red spiders, but I remember the window rattling."

"No, you weren't dreaming, we really had an earthquake."

"Oh, well...neat, I guess."

Not more than a couple minutes after getting off the phone with her, the aftershock hit and I called her back in the middle of it.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, it's doing it again. Angel's freaked out, and the bed is shaking like I just put quarters in it. I don't know whether to be alarmed or enjoy the ride." (Of course, it was over before I even finished the sentence.) "And, now the mice in the attic are freaking out."

"Eww."

"Exactly"

We got off the phone and I called my Mom to make sure they were OK. (They live closer to the epicenter.) When my mom answered the phone, I asked her how everyone was doing, "Oh, you know, we're rockin' and a rollin'." (My Mom, ladies and gentlemen, this is where I get the bizarre sense of humor.)

"Did you feel the one this morning?"

"Yeah, it woke me up. I thought it was your brother running up and down the stairs, but it just kept going and going, so I looked at the clock and saw it was 4:30AM and thought, well, that can't be right. I figured it was an earthquake. But, then, it was over and I went back to sleep."

Basically, eh, nothing broke, we're good. Hee.

I called my brother a few minutes later to ask him a question and after talking for a couple of minutes, he asked, "Bri, this might sound stupid, but were there earthquakes this morning?"

lol"Yes, Jared, there were two."

"Oh, good, so I'm not crazy, then. I thought I might have been imagining things, but my lava lamp fell on me earlier. Just thought I'd check." That's my brother.

So, the whole morning has been pretty interesting and amusing, but I've got to go wash some dishes. I'm expecting the landlord later about the mice I mentioned earlier. I don't want him to realize how much of a slob I am.

Note: There are no mice in my apartment, just in the building. I've been hearing noises in the ceiling for a while now, but I have a cat, so none have actually invaded my space. (And yes, I know that just because I don't see them doesn't mean they aren't there. I inspected my apartment for "evidence", no poop to be found means no mice.) So, the fact that I haven't done my dishes in a while does not mean that I am responsible for the rodent invasion. If I had to point a finger, I would have to guess it is the ghetto neighbors causing the issue, if it is something we have done and not just the natural way of things. I didn't live here at this time last year, so I don't know.

Walking in Forest Park

I took a walk today in Forest Park, slogging through the mud and muck from all the rain we've had. I got muddy and wet and had a great time. I also took some pictures. Wanna see? I know you do. ;) Here's my favorites, the rest are on my flickr page here.

Loved this bridge....

just for these...

What is this? A mollusk? Something ate it. They were all over the ground.

Waterproof rain boots are awesome.......

One of the geese that I kept a respectful distance from....

Every time the wind picked up, mist from the fountain covered the area

Laying on my belly with the daffodils

Damn bird would NOT be still

Love the color of this water fountain

Papa duck

Mama Duck
I think she was gathering stuff for a nest, but then who knows what goes on in the mind of a duck.

Another tree close up

This guy was making his way to the water when I walked up. He hid in his shell so......

I got down on the ground so we were nose to nose. I think he was annoyed.

These roots make me think of stalactites (or is it stalagmites?)

I love the colors in this one...

Neighbors with jumper cables are the best....

If you are following my twitter, you may have noticed that I went out to my car this afternoon to run some errands, only to discover that my battery was dead. I was at a complete loss to figure out what had happened and was mentally planning how to get to class the next day, when I looked down and saw that my headlights were still on, and had been on for several hours. It's unbelievable the stupid shit I will do when half asleep. (don't even get me started on the day I couldn't find my keys and finally found them in the deadbolt on the OUTSIDE of my front door, where that had been all day)

Well that explains things......

I tried Amy, the girl with the giant dog, and though she didn't have any jumper cables, she suggested we try Kelly, who lives in the apartment beneath her. I'll spare you the details of how we got my car going again, but I will tell you that the logistics of doing so on a one way street is pretty interesting. I just have to say that I'm glad that I have such friendly and helpful women living in my building.

After we got it going and I drove it around a bit to give it time to charge up, I came back to find them still on the porch, talking. Amy had heard her clothes washer going this afternoon and assumed that Kelly was using it. (they had a sort of agreement that Kelly was free to use it when Amy wasn't) But, when Amy asked if she was almost done, Kelly thought Amy was doing laundry. The ghetto neighbors strike again! After I got wise to their nonsense, I made sure that something was always in my washer so that they couldn't use it. Rather than being adults about it and, I don't know, going to a laundrymat (or ASKING my permission to use the appliances I had paid for), they started using Amy's. We started discussing all the crap they have done lately, (including leaving the back door unlocked!) and debating what to do about it. We didn't make any decisions, but at least now we all have a better idea about what's going on.

I love my apartment, and the girls are awesome, but all it takes is one idiot to ruin it for everyone. Fuckers.

Bossy's Excellent Road Trip

Bossy is coming! Bossy is coming!

Bossy will be in St. Louis on April 20th, which is a sunday. I'm not sure what the count is at this point, but 10 or more of us are meeting up with her for drinks and silliness. If you are a blogger from the area and would like to get in on the fun, you can go to iambossy.com for details, or you can just email me and I'll let you know where the fun will be and when.

What NOT to do if you live in an apartment.....

• DON'T walk around putting all your weight in each step. If anything rattles when you move about, try not walking like a sasquatch, k?
• DON'T start an argument at 5am before leaving for work. Just because you are up that early, doesn't mean anyone else is.
• DON'T use a washing machine if you don't own it. Nuf' said.
• If you are going to use other people's appliances, DON'T use their soap and then make it really obvious that you are doing so by buying new soap when you have used all of theirs and leaving it there for them to find!!!!
• DON'T have screaming fights that require domestic disturbance calls to the police.
• DON'T taunt your crying baby. I can barely hear him/her, but you, imitating her only more loudly, I hear loud and clear. You ghetto fucktard. I hate you. Please die. Thanks.

Note: I haven't actually had to call the police, but I've thought about it several times. And they really do use my washing machine. At least I don't pay for water, could be worse.

Some photos I have taken recently....

I heard this tow truck outside and thought maybe someone was having trouble with their car, or they were on my street for a repo job....but a woman drove her car right up on it, so I have no idea what this was about.


My grandma gave me this frog on a rock when she found out about my love of frogs...I had quite a collection going on in my former apartment's bathroom and he was part of it. I moved the frogs outside to the terrace when I decided to change the feel of the bathroom in this apartment...I've had the worst time with this, can't decide for the life of me. I noticed when watching the tow truck activity that this frog has had an accident. I have no idea how this happened, the goofy thing is made to go outside in a garden, so it couldn't have been ice, right? Maybe some freak hail or rocks falling from the sky, I just don't know.


This is my new favorite soda. Soda is really my only real vice, I'm addicted to Mountain Dew, but I found this little lovely at the grocery store in the ethnic section. I tried a couple out of curiosity and my favorite is the guava flavor. The best part? They're made with real sugar instead of that high fructose corn syrup stuff. Yum!

I voted! Yea!

I discovered my voting info in the mailbox this afternoon, so I finally knew where to vote. I threw on some sweats and off I went. This is my first election in this state and the first primary election when I actually gave a shit, so I was pretty excited to cast my vote.

Who knew all those standardised tests learning how to completely fill in the bubble would pay off when voting for a president? Hee. They didn't give me a sticker, though. :(

And then there was LIGHT!

The front room of my apartment didn't come with lighting...at all. I didn't think much of it when I viewed the apartment in daylight, but in winter, when I have to keep the drapes closed to hold in the heat (or keep out the cold, depends on how you look at it)...anyway, it's freaking dark in here. I spend my evenings working on art projects or knitting in front of the tv, and with inadequate light, that can be difficult. This is my third lamp in the room, I'm planning on hanging two smaller ones next to it. That corner will soon house an easel and a rolling drawer unit with paint and such. I love my drapes and the lamp, I bought both at IKEA. Now I just need to make it hang straight.

I've lost my train of thought...freaking ADD. Ooh, shiny!

Quick update....

My window is fixed. A really nice man at McMahahon Ford coordinated between me and their glass guy, calling back and forth to make sure he could help me, even though I called right before closing. The whole thing was relatively painless, not something I usually associate with car repair places. (What is it about men that work on cars? Do they not realize that we can tell when they are screwing with us? No, I don't have a penis, that doesn't make me a complete idiot. Ass. That's why I will never go to Midas again.) Anyway, I have another car stereo that has a removable faceplate, but I have to rewire it to work in this car.

Also, I finished Dan's hat and he LOVES it. He requested another in Bears colors. (He has this "great" idea where I make scarves and hats for him to sell to his fellow army men while overseas. Uh, that would be a no. I might make one for Coleslaw, though, if he can figure out where to send it. Hee.)

The finished product. I was planning to take a pic of Dan in the hat, but I completely forgot when I saw him a few days ago, so this truly terrible one of me in it will have to do until I can pin him down again. It turned out really well for my first effort, so now it's back to the three scarves I've got going and a hat for myself.

Seminary Hunt

Driving east on Watson, I always see this tower rising out of the hill. The building itself, is always shrouded in darkness, but the top of the tower glows like a beacon.

Being the nosy creature that I am, I HAD to know, and last night I decided to investigate. You never know how hilly St. Louis is until you go wandering in and out of residential neighborhoods, trying to keep a glowing tower in sight. My poor car struggled up and down, up and down.

Closer now.....
Ah ha!!!

Kenrick Theological Seminary or Kenrick-Glennon Seminary

The building is amazing, and I regret that I can't show what it really looks like up close, but here I am in the tiny drive beneath the tower. I'm not a fan of organized religion, but Catholicism has filled St. Louis with amazing architecture in the form of churches, cemeteries, and monuments. I find it all fascinating.

Ah ha! I found their website! Click here to see the school.

Danger Will Robinson! Daaaaanger!!!!

We had a high of 71 degrees today, St. Louis weather is fun!!!! Don't worry it will be back to normal by...um, thursday it looks like. Until then, look!!!
See the pretty line of red? It's a severe thunderstorm!!! With high winds and maybe a tornado!!! Wheeeee!!!!! I can barely contain my excitement. No, really.

What is wrong with this picture?

While driving to work this morning, I took 44E, cuz with the 64/40 mess, it's actually easier for me to swing around downtown and up to UMSL, my school and work. (pretty convenient that way). For the last couple of months, they have been making improvements to the pavement and recently began restriping, uh....different lanes...because???? I have no idea what or why, but, you know, urban living and all that...I deal. BUT, and this is a big one (not to be confused with my butt, which is big too)um...shouldn't they, I don't know....FINISH the lanes before reopening them??!!!! Since I can't get a pic of this travesty, let me illustrate with a lovely drawing......

Ok, my photoshop drawing skills are not the best, but you get the idea. How is this ok? You literally lose your lane and have to quickly pick a new one going 60+mph and pray that there isn't another car that wants that lane too. HELLLLOOO!!!!! Seriously?