Monday, November 24, 2008

So, yeah, I've been sucking with the whole blogging thing lately all around. Blogger girl has been asleep at the wheel. It's a combination of things, really. I started working days at my job, which unlike some of your places of employment, does not have internet access. And I went WAAAAY over on my text message allotment last month, so I had to stop getting twitter updates sent to my phone, which makes me feel woefully out of touch. ;(

The time change has confused the crap out of me, too. I find myself thinking it's time for bed until I glance at a clock and see that it's barely 8 o'clock! I've been too busy to get in a funk about it, but I'm sleepier than normal, which I've decided to blame on the sun rather than laziness. lol

Naked Mondays are much harder while dating, I've found. I can't seem to find the right words to say what I'm trying to say while only exposing myself and no one else. How does Carrie do it? (Yes, I know, fictional character, but come on, use your imagination here.)

It's been brought to my attention recently and not so recently that I seem mysterious to guys. On one hand, this always takes me by surprise. On the other hand, I see what they're saying, I'm just not sure what to do about it. For most of my life, I haven't made friends very easily. If a job or a class ended, there were people I spoke with everyday that I never saw again. I've had friends for different phases of my life, friends for boyfriends, friends that seemed to be tied to a location, but I've rarely had more than one or two close friends at a time, friends who knew me all the way down to my toes, you know? I didn't let people get close enough, why, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's residual shyness or just a learned defense mechanism, but that part is hardly new.

I decided to text an ex-boyfriend today to see if I could get to the root of the problem. He didn't remember my 18 year old self being very mysterious, but then he admitted that his 18 year old self was kind of oblivious. (Basically, he was no help. ;>) The ex is probably right in that my 18 year old self hadn't acquired this skill, but my 31 year old self is a master at it. Moral of the story? Dating is hard. ;>

Apparently, this is a more recent thing, but somehow I doubt it's just me. Don't we all hold parts of ourselves back for protection?

What do you think? How much of yourself do you hold apart from others? How would a mysterious person become less mysterious?


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